Oh hello left field…we were wondering where this post came out of. Thanks for the update.
So anyway – My mind has been consumed with a large jumble of crap lately. I couldn’t bring myself to post earlier today because I was fearful of whiny letters being strung together forming whiny sentences.
After a long day, I haven’t calmed down much actually. I’m distracted. Some of it is good distraction while approximately 71% is just distraction. Distraction to the mission…distraction to who I am and who I plan to be. Part of what is distracting me is that I don’t quite know how to be the yuppity dad that the world expects me to be. It’s easy to throw around witty Christian bumper-sticker sayings, but when the rubber hits the road things can get messy.
I’ve been so burdened by all the families who don’t have it as good as me. I’ve got people asking me what I want for Christmas as if I need something and all I can think about are these moms and dads who are struggling to hold it together. There are people all over the world drinking out of dirty puddles full of diseases and I get to pick what I want for Christmas. Ava gets to pick too. There are essentially lines of people who can’t wait to buy, buy, buy her more, more, and more for Christmas.
Even as I write this now, I am worried that certain people will think I’m pointing a finger at them. This is not the case.
I love these people…and there’s nothing wrong with them at all. Not in the least. I am them. I am so torn because I too want to buy more for my little girl. I want to do anything I can to make her happy. Deep down I know that she wants some paper, markers, and me to draw with her…and that’s it. But we buy more stuff, because we lack creativity and time. We want to make up for who we aren’t by purchasing what we can. And the really hard part is that when you want to stop, the merry-go-round keeps on moving just as quickly…even without your strength added to the spin.
I got a letter in the mail from Ana Rosa Sorto, who I sponsor through Compassion International. She loves me. She is so thankful that I consider her a worthy cause to give towards…that someone would invest in her. In the letter she asked me what I am like and what my family is like. She’s not even 10 years old and she wants to know more about us…she really is interested. She draws me beautiful pictures and I cry when I see them.
But rather than sponsor another child we choose to do so many selfish things. Don’t get me wrong, as I am a person who is all about balance. I can’t stand when justice fighters attack people for having nice things or spending money on whatever the heck they want to spend their money on. I also can’t stand it when people live in apathy and think it’s all just someone else’s problem to deal with. It’s all about balance. And I know that God wants our hearts more than anything.
Thinking about the holidays causes so many people to drift into modes of depression, despair, loneliness, and I can understand why. I’m thinking about my family and what has gone wrong over the years. We beat ourselves up sometimes because we know we’re going to face the people and situations that have caused us pain…not always, but sometimes we do this.
Today was interesting though. God brought a couple of memories to mind that reminded me of the power we fathers have over our children. As fathers, we have the ability to speak life or death into a child. With a single sentence placed at the right time, I will be able to launch my daughter into a flourishing life…imagine what I can do with more than one sentence.
I remember a time quite a few years ago when I had just gotten busted for stealing something from my uncle. My dad confronted me about it and he told me I needed to go to my uncle and return what I had stolen. I made the decision to go ahead and do so and it was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I’m not sure if I’ve ever cried so hard as that evening. After I returned home from confessing and giving back the loot, my dad was waiting up for me.
I walked in the house with my head down and tears in my eyes. I couldn’t even look at him I was so ashamed of myself. He walked up to me and picked my head up to look me in the eyes and he said, “That was a stand up thing you just did and I’m so proud of you. You’re a damn good man.”
That sentence altered my life.
Another instance from just a few weeks ago came into my mind today. I was speaking at church when my mom and my step-dad made good on their promise to show up on Sunday. I saw them in the crowd and after my message they both had tears in their eyes. My step-dad, Tim came up to me and gave me a hug. He said, “You are not the seven year old boy I once met a long time ago. You’re one hell of a man now.”
What is it with these guys telling me I’m a good man and me breaking up like peanut brittle? I once hated this man…hated him with all my guts and yet as a father figure he was able to speak into my life in a way that others cannot.
I realize fully that my brain just vomited out a garbled slop of text onto a screen, but that’s okay. Sometimes this blog goes into journal mode and you just get to watch the train wreck.
God is teaching me that as a father I have a massive amount of power in both my actions and in my words. He is teaching me how to use them in the right places and I’m praying that I’ll not be called unfaithful when it comes to raising my little mighty warrior princess. May she be an unstoppable force of love and light for the Kingdom.
I know what you mean about Christmas. Most everyone gets so caught up in the whirl of giving and receiving material items that the true thought of Christmas is brushed aside. Not that the giving is bad, but personally, I think there are better things for all this money to be spent on. This website really hit the target, if you want to take a gander.
http://www.adventconspiracy.org/
{reply}
WOW! That wasn’t garbled and I feel the same way – about all of it! Parenting is an amazing challenge . . . I’m just gonna repeat back to you what you said to me, “Keep pressing in.”
{reply}
*smile* You and my husband would have a lot to talk about over a glass of wine, me thinks
I liked this, Ryan. I don’t know you at all, and yet this, to me, seemed like the REAL you. Garbled is good. Brain vomit is good. Keep heaving.
{reply}
The four most powerful words a father can ever say to their child is “I’m proud of you.” My father (how blessed I am) tells me this a lot. Its what makes me confident of my past, and hopeful for my future. Ava is a lucky little girl, Ryan.
{reply}
Thank you as always, for sharing your heart!
You are a damn good man.
{reply}
Thanks Ryan, for sharing your thoughts and your heart. Knowing some of your story, I must say you amaze me. And yes, Ava is a very blessed little girl to have you as a daddy. And really all our children want and need from us is our love and time.
{reply}
“mighty warrior princess” your raising Xena me things.
{reply}
You may think that was just a “garbled slop of text,” but it was touching and truthful. Thanks for voicing what so many think, but aren’t really willing to live. I personally think material gifts are overrated and that the time spent with family at Christmas is the most important thing- well, aside from the Reason for the Season.
{reply}
Be genuine to your kids. If not, they will know and lose respect for you and cast you as a phony. Most important of all, lead by example-monkey see -monkey do. They will mirror you
enough said
{reply}
i just have to comment on this. i shared your post to my hubby and i will have to agree how powerful the role of a father is.
and it’s high time to really think what our children really need. not just during Christmas but everyday.
thanks for sharing, ryan.
{reply}
My children don’t have a father. You are the type every woman prays for. Keep up the good work.
{reply}
I will never be able to have children of my own, but one of the things I’ve always dreamed about doing is teaching (my) children how to be generous – especially during the holidays. One of the things I wanted to do each year was to have a “generosity stocking” on our tree. I wanted us to (anonymously, if possible) donate money (or time, depending on the situation) to a worthy cause. I wanted my children to embrace that activity by helping us pick out the cause in advance. Whether it was serving at the local shelter, supporting a Compassion Int’l. child, buying presents for a needy family in our area or church, or whatever. I wanted to have one present that wasn’t FOR us – but FROM us. And I wanted it to be something that was a sacrifice for us, whether it meant less time with our friends because we were serving others, or fewer presents for ourselves because we’d spent the money on others. I had hoped that my children would have understood and embraced the meaning of GIVING and not just RECEIVING.
{reply}
Goodie, I lllllike your long-winded posts
Like the photo-filled posts too, specially the ones where you ramble a good bit about each photo…
Isn’t it a thrill to know you’ll get to eternally influence your daughter like your father(s) influenced you?
{reply}
The holidays can do this to you. Divide your mind between all the fun of gifts, food and cheer & the desire to praise the lord and remember the holiday. In moderation is what I say. Give gifts, but set limits and stick to it. I have always give my children 3 gifts at Christmas and a stocking with goodies. 1 gift they open on xmas eve and it is usually something fun. Of the 3 gifts 1 is always something they need. The difference is I give each gift thought, make it truly special. This year, because of money, my kids are only getting 2 presents and a stocking. They will be ok, the presents I have chosen are special, something they really will like. I always feel that is the difference. Don’t buy sweaters for your Aunt, she doesn’t need them. Tell her not to buy you anything either. Its not necessary, wasted gift exchange.
This is just my thought. We always go to church on xmas eve and dinner on xmas is fun and light hearted, spending some time to remember it is all for Jesus.
{reply}
phew. i sit here with tears in my eyes. this post makes my chin wobble. i actually had to back up and take a moment a few times reading this, bc your words are THAT. POWERFUL.
i swear, since reading your blog, i have become such a better person. my eyes are open, thanks to you.
thank you in so many ways.
{reply}
Thank you for this. My husband struggles constantly with the minimal affirmation he’s received from his dad over the years – it’s hard to remember when you’re in the thick of child-raising that what you say (or don’t say) can actually have that kind of long-lasting impact. What a blessing to understand this early on in your child’s life!
{reply}
As a female, I can attest that Daddy’s are everything to their little girls. You are doing a great job of living your life for God everyday and Ava witnessing that. Best gift you can give her!
{reply}
I don’t comment enough on your posts, but I absolutely love reading your blog. Your posts always make me think.
Thank you for sharing and for being honest.
Merry Christmas to you and your family.
I would like to attend your church some day. The more I read here, the more I want to.
{reply}
Echo Debbie. As a female, I can attest that the hurtful words of a daddy can take a long time to overcome: 50+ years and still sometimes a daily struggle NOT to listen to the old voices, but to turn instead to the only true voice of love there is.
Thank you Pastor Ryan for sharing your heart.
{reply}
We are the sum of the choices we make. Good thing is, we can always start making good ones no matter how many or how bad the ones in the past have been.
Choice. The greatest gift of all.
I love what Max Lucado says in his book One Incredible Moment-Celebrating the Majesty of the Manger. He says: “God is the great Author. The Author of all of our lives and he appoints each of us. He appoints each Adam, Appoints each Eve. Appoints each child. The author sees them. Instantly loved. Permanetly loved. To each he assigns a time. To each he appoints a place. No accidents. No coincidence. Just design. The Author makes a promise to these unborn: In my image, I will make you. You will be like me. You will laugh. You will create. You will never die. And you will write. They must. For each life is a book, not to be read, but rather a story to be written. The Author starts each life story, but each life will write his or her own ending. What a dangerous liberty. How much safer it would have been to finish the story for each Adam. To script every option. It would have been simpler. It would have been safer. but it would not have been love. Love is only love if chosen.”
God lets us choose because that is love. We get to choose everyday. We must make good ones. For we are writing our own story. But we must also make bad choices. Without making bad ones we don’t learn to make good ones. It’s good to mess up sometimes. Ok, a lot actually.
I’ve written to much already. Sorry.
Have a ridiculously blessed day!!!!
{reply}
I think I shall spend the rest of the day covered in your vomit. And then I will rub it off onto people I meet.
{reply}
WOW! Sheesh, ya broke me… I had watery eyes. Not easy to break me at work! Shoot… Great post, Ryan. I know you probably hear it a lot, but you have your head on right and you have a big heart. Keep sharing the stories and giving others hope and faith to be who they really are. Thank you.
{reply}
More is told in a rambling thought than people realize. Thanks for not being guarded – it takes a real man to do that. I’m so glad I found your site because you make me think and it’s not everyone that can do that!
{reply}
God bless you Ryan!!!! I never had a father figure in my life as a child. I looked for one, and desperately wanted one. I just didnt know/understand how much God loved me and wanted to be my Father. Those experiences taught me so much! One of the biggest gifts God has given me to share with others is encouragment. I try to use that gift daily with my children as often as possible. You can see the effects in the eyes and smiles and feel it in their hugs and love. Ryan, you rock!!!! Thank you so much for just being real and having the courage to share. May God bless you and your family abundantly.
{reply}
Wow!
uh-huh! and then some!
{reply}
I think you would find my mom (cheri’s blog) the one titled “don’t go it alone” but also…It seems that parenting is one of the most challenging things that anyone can do, and as a daughter and not only that a Daddy’s girl, A dad’s words are one of the most powerful things in a girls life, my dad has this power of me i can’ t explain. If my mom tells me she’s proud of me great, but when my dad says it, or i hear he’s said it, IT means the WORLD!!!!! Keep Heaving as someone said above! It’s good for the soul!!!!
{reply}
May you and your family be blessed, not only at Christmas, but always.
As I like to say, Always remember…urluved
{reply}
I fall apart every time someone tells me that I’m worth something. I spent so much time thinking I was not, that the idea of God or another human being validating that I’m okay just the way I am – in fact – GREAT – just the way I am humbles me.
{reply}
~*~* Isn’t it funny, I have noticed that ever since it has become clear that our own nation is suffering, we Americans have been connecting more and more with other nations who struggle.
God works in all things and all situations, doesn’t he?
I believe your heart is speaking to you when you think of others’ suffering-so next time someone asks you what you want for Christmas, be prepared. Have some little cards with info. on how to contribute in some way (even a promise of their time would be great!) to a cause you feel tugging on your heart strings.*~*~.
“Let the Church Arise” M.W. Smith’s newer song comes to mind
.
God Bless you all, mightily!!!
{reply}
A friend of mine sent me the link to your blog this morning. I’ve seen the impact of how a loving and postive earthly father. My husband adpoted my daughter after her biological father abonded her. Even though we’d been married for 5 years, and he always gave her love and encouragment, it was his comitment to just her, the promise that he wanted her for his own has made such an impact in her little life.
May God fill your heart today and everyday.
Carol
{reply}
You just made me cry. That was an eye opening post. It puts into perspective that what we do and say to our children, even if it is only one sentence, can have such an impact on them. I always try to teach my daughter right from wrong and I am always sure to tell her how proud I am of her when she rights her wrong.
{reply}
All of those sentences have been an inspiration in my life. Thank you.
{reply}