I want to show you some pictures.
When I was 16 years old I took this photograph of my friend Valerie. We were at her and her twin sister Vickie’s farm in Indiana. This was a great day.
When I was 17 years old…I took this photograph of Kayla. She was born on October 10th of 1999 to a girl I was dating at the time. I got caught up in a relationship and found out later that my girlfriend was 4 months pregnant. I stayed with her and fathered a child that wasn’t mine while I was a child myself. I essentially ran away from my dad’s house and took off to take care of my girlfriend and this baby. One week after this baby was born, her mother went back to Ecstasy, Cocaine, and Marijuana leaving me to fend for myself with her. I did everything I could for this baby girl until she was 6 months old, when her mom dumped me. Never have I been closer to taking my own life than when I was trying to support a “family”, working non-stop, and dealing with a drug-addicted girlfriend while I was 17 years old.
When I was 17 years old I took this photograph of my sweet Dalmatian, Teddie. At the time, we had 5 Dalmatians at my mom’s house. It was an average-sized house, and 5 Dalmatians was crazy to be honest, but Teddie was probably the most mild-mannered dog I’ve ever owned. She died several years back and I really miss that one.
When I was 17 I took this photograph of my dad, who got me into photography. He constantly took me on photo-trips as a teenager and I publicly hated it. In secret, I loved these trips and I am so thankful for them now.
When I was 18 years old I did what I had done many times before // I loaded up my little white Toyota Celica with my photo bag and I set out on my own to seek some sort of adventure. I took a drive deep into Indiana with the intent of getting myself lost somewhere. I found a longhorn steer and I used some sort of strange filter to get a creepy effect.
When I was 18 years old my dad and I went to Spring Grove Cemetery and shot a couple rolls of film. As always, he shot black and white and I shot color slides. I remember specifically that this was the day I purchased my Nikon N90s camera and it was an incredible beast to shoot with at the time. We explored headstones and mausoleums…this one was beautiful, as were the clouds that day.
When I was 18 years old I drove slowly up my grandma and granddad’s street looking for something to photograph. I found an old barn on an odd hill and I shot an entire roll of Fuji Velvia ISO 50 slide film. 36 exposures and this was my favorite one.
When I was 18 years old I started experimenting a lot with long exposures. I took this one outside of a Borders bookstore near Northgate Mall around 9pm at night. It was a minute long exposure and during that minute I slowly zoomed the lens from wide-angle to telephoto.
When I was 19 years old I shot this photograph of my lovely wife Allison. She was my fiancee at the time and she also had some seriously hot red hair.
When I was 20 years old I shot this photograph of my sister-in-law Allayna. She was worn out from a day at the beach.
And now I have showed you the things that I wanted to show you.
Feel free to go back to what you were doing.
Re: Kayla. I admire your courage and ideals. I am sure that your choices weren’t easy, or even the best ones, but this child needed you and you were there. Do you know where she is now?
Otherwise, I appreciate your father and his influence on your photography. I love the images and feelings that you create!
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Beauty.
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Re: Kayla
It takes a lot of courage and strength through Christ to pull you through such a rough situation. For that I praise God for His Love for us, his children,
Re: Dad
I had a Dad who much enjoyed photographer himself and to his credit as well is why I love photography so much!
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This is powerful!
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Wow – thanks for showing us so much of you!
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These are amazing photographs, and hearing the stories behind them makes them all the more beautiful. Do you hear from Kayla and her mother ever?
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One of my favorite things to do is sit with a box of old photos and remember.
Thanks for sharing that with us.
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I want to ask about Kayla too. Where is she now?
I love the photo of your dog, Teddie, and the barn at your grandparent’s place.
Thanks for sharing.
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Your photos are wonderful. For me, there is no better souvenir than a photograph, which is why I take so many. These photos are so artistic and emotional. Thank you for sharing.
I think I am not alone when I say I too am interested in Kayla.
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Where is Kayla now??? Beautiful piece of writing and pictures, so touching! What a great way to capture memories forever. Thanks for sharing with us.
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Beautiful post… it touched my heart.
Blessing to you and your family!
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Ok…someone pass the tissues!! Beautiful!!
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I absolutely love this post. Your photography is one of my favorite things, and this just made my day, thanks for sharing it! I can’t believe these pics were over a span of four years… It seems like so much happened in such a short amount of time! Living through it was like a whirlwind. It feels like we blinked and grew up, I love you and allison so much! And yes her red hair was hot, but blonde is sooo much hotter.
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Ryan, I absolutely love this post. Your photography is one of my favorite things and this just made my day! Thanks for sharing it. I am amazed that these pics were over a span of four years. It seems like so much happened in such a short period. Its like we blinked and here we are all grown up. I love you and allison so much, and yes her red hair was hot, but blonde is sooo much hotter!
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Why does the Kayla story not surprise me one iota. You have a beautiful heart…God’s love was brewing in you before you even really met Him!
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Ryan! You are such a beautiful man! God! You are constantly inspiring me to live life to the fullest! Thanks so much for taking life and enjoying it even when it is not enjoyable! God loves you, and it shows. You are so talented and gifted! Maria
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I can’t help but feel troubled about the baby girl born to a woman that decided to do addictive drugs. My mind keeps wandering to thoughts in which I hope that girl was safe. I realize you were very young but did you consider calling CPS or any other government agency before you left? If not, have you wondered what became of her? Honestly, that thought would haunt me more than anything.
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Ryan — you’re awesome!
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You = amazing.
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Spectacular photos. Thanks for sharing.
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…Thank you for this lil’ trip down your memory lane… I thoroughly enjoyed it thru the pain and the glory. It just goes to show it doesn’t matter who you are or what you do we ALL have a story to tell, don’t we? Thank you for sharing a portion of yours – the photography is phenomenal!
)
…My heart wants to know whatever became of lil’ Kayla?
…Many blessings…
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Lovely – every one. Thank you for sharing!
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I agree with Helen – you have a beautiful heart for people and that is what makes you the pastor you are!
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You have a wonderful eye in many wonderful ways.
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Still my favorite pic of me ever taken! Still have the huge one you gave me of it, Love it! I remember when you took just about everyone of these; the day at my grandmas, Daves longhorns, the day Kayla was born, your trip to the cemetary. Good times! I enjoyed remembering, Love you!
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Seems that you’ve always had photography in your blood. Thanks for sharing the photos and stories …
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The beauty and purity of this made me cry. Thanks for sharing it with the rest of us.
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Thank you for sharing your art. These are all fabulous. Thank you also for sharing the stories that go along with them.
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Wow. Letting a part of your personal life out there like that, raw and exposed, has to be painful… yet freeing when you’re able to let it go. You are a great man. Your family is lucky to have you. I don’t know any 17-year-old who would have done that.
I love the STOP sign photo. That’s a great one.
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great pics, man. Have a safe trip and be careful.
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Very cool series of pictures. First time to your blog. Will look through, added to my google reader.
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I love that you don’t just take pictures. You grab little bits of life…
I teared up over little Kayla.
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I wonder how Kayla and her mom are doing now. Do you have an update on them?
Take good care in Honduras!
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Found your blog through a sidebar feature on Pioneer Woman. Your pictures are amazing. I cannot believe you took those as a teenager. Makes me miss film, though.
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I just came across your blog, When i read this i wanted to cry. It makes me realised that what i am going thru right now is nothing. And then better things will come to my life….well, i hope so.
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[...] This entry originally posted on April 19th of 2009. [...]