I took a bit of a risk this past weekend.
I made a fresh salsa during 3 weekend teachings at Vineyard Westside.
During the message I also mentioned my thoughts on Facebook being biblical and what it means to move past surface-level relationships. You’ll have to listen in to see what it was all about.
At the end of the message I threw out a few questions and some possible starting points.
I’ll share those with you here as well:
1. Am I okay with having surface-level relationships with everyone?
2. Outside of my family, who can I really trust?
3. Do I have people in my life that I can call at 3am when everything is falling apart?
4. Are there people around me who can strengthen me when I’m weak?
5. Am I using my God-given gifts, talents, or abilities to serve my friends?
6. Am I investing MORE or LESS into the relationship than the person I’m trying to build a relationship with?
Steps towards authentic community:
1. Choose wisely. You don’t need to be friends with everyone.
2. Get coffee, have someone over for dinner, go play golf, etc..
3. Be intentional. Ask a deeper question // reciprocate.
4. Work at it. Don’t assume a relationship is fine.
5. Be transparent and authentic yourself.
Feel free to take a look at my teaching notes if you’re interested // Fighting against FALSE community
17 Comments
Compelling questions…may I share this?
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Great questions to ponder! The most popular out click, is the story of Amie, lots of new folks headed your way! I’m not kidding, January 1, I’m casting the nomination for Blog of the Year, and Best Photography Blog.
Fellow Reverbers Check out my feature on Ryan here:
http://bumpkinonaswing.blogspot.com/2009/06/blogger-rush.html
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this is a perfect way to break down what a lot of people feel & don’t know how to explain in words. Surface only relationships are often very emotionally draining!
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Preach it, brother! Thanks for the great opportunity to evaluate!
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Both my husband and I fought with these same questions, and cut out a lot of friendships because of it. Now we rarely talk to anyone outside of ourselves, and that gets lonely. We’ve been doing it so long, I don’t think I remember how to connect with someone deeper than surface-level. I guess I’m leery of people - everyone wants something for nothing. But it’s definitely lonely.
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i waited to see what others would have to say before adding my two cents. i agree that this is a problem, but just identifying it as such doesn’t help people get to a different place. shining the light on this is really needed and was well done, from what i could tell by the notes and questions. it’s just that most folks were not taught, either by modeling or life experiences, what solid, intimate relationships look like.
i’d suggest a follow-up message on what to do once you’ve identified that you want more than surface relationships with people. i’d come to listen!
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Question 5 is the one I struggle and pray over all the time, and not just with friends. Keep making us think!
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Jenn-if you live in Cincy I would suggest coming to Vineyward Westside and getting involved, or getting involved with any church that places an emphasis on building relationships.
I was in a place just about a year ago where surface level relationships were beginning to not be o.k. with me. We moved, which made getting much more involved with our church community much easier.
So I can answer those questions and not be lying when I say that:
1. No I am not o.k with this. These relationships are not what God had in mind and really have no more meaning than just to occupy one’s time.
2. They know who they are and I am so thankful to God for having put them in my life.
3. Absolutley
4. Yes, without a doubt.
5. I believe I am, and if I am not, I believe they would call me out on it.
6. I believe it is fairly equal on all parts. When one is down and can not contribute as much, the others rise up and contribute more. It is a beautiful thing.
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Listened to the False community podcast - absolutely loved it. You are amazing at what you do Ryan - talented beyond belief and truly gifted at what you do. I hope to visit Vineyard Westside some day. I enjoy following you and learning from you.
Thank you!
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Fabulous! And…I was relieved that when you asked the questions that I do work really hard on my relationships. But it’s a good reminder to keep at it.
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How easily we fall into the trap of thinking we are close when we are really not. It is a challenge, a risk to reveal yourself to someone -the TRUE you. Flawed, vulnerable, hurt more easily than we like to admit. But REAL community involves just that! Being REAL! Letting others know you are imperfect, and accepting their imperfections as well. It is a picture of the fellowship of Christ, and with temperance and wisdom, we can create community that will last our lives into eternity!
http://walkaschildren.blogspot.com/
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I enjoyed listening to your service and evaluating where I stand. I have a deep love for people and love forming deep relationships. I work with a population where they do have a lot of issues and when you look at their history… they have every reason to be leery. The only way to truly build healthy relationships is to first form a relationship with your Heavenly Father and be forgiven of your transgressions. Repent and God will forgive and heal you. On another note I don’t think its fair to slam folks for talking about weather or sports. It’s just where they are and we all need mindless “small talk” occasionally. On another side note: Your voice is not what I thought it would be. I’ve read your blog for a long time but have never “heard” you and it’s a strange thing for me! May God Bless your family and your ministry.
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I read your notes - that was a very good teaching and thank you for posting it.
I have one question. Maple syrup in salsa? Never heard that one, but if you say so, I bet it’s good.
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Interesting to come across these notes. Currently involved in a church-plant, when it comes to evangelism our emphasis has always been on building relationships. People start coming to church for all kinds of reasons, but very often it starts because they see something curious in someone they know, and eventually they figure out that the “something curious” is Jesus. But it all starts with the relationsihp - the coffee, the dinners, the being there.
Love your blog - encouraging, not to mention beautiful. Thanks.
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This is awesome.. I was just telling my husband last weekend that we need to develop deeper relationships… that I felt like I was truly missing a deep connected relationship. Perfect timing!
Where’s the Salsa recipe???
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Thank you for posting this. I didn’t know your church had a podcast. I’m subscribing now.
This made me want to get back to my search for a new church.
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Hi! Thought provoking questions indeed.
If you haven’t read any of John Gatto’s ideas, you might want to try them. He writes about the importance of community, and the fact that too often we create “fake” communities that really do nothing to nurture anyone or truly help each other to walk. His vantage point is from education but the theories behind it all are truly enlightening. He has a few books, Dumbing us Down, and then another one that has slipped my mind.
Thank you for making me think a little harder today!
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