Caveat #1: My men’s small group is currently going through the book Wild At Heart by John Eldredge.
Caveat #2: It is challenging us to be more adventurous, spontaneous, and ridiculous.
So here’s today’s stupid snippet of my life:
* Walk into gas station to pay for my things.
* Cashier grabs a can of Grizzly fine cut, Wintergreen chewing tobacco and puts it in front me.
* I look at the cashier completely confused
* She says, “Isn’t this your normal can?”
* I look at the cashier completely confused
* She says, “Oh sorry, I must be thinking of someone else…I guess you wouldn’t want this, huh?”
* I say to her, “Ah, what the heck…I’ll take it.”
Now you have to realize…as I typed out that last sentence, even I can’t figure out what the heck I was thinking. In all seriousness, I don’t know why I said that. All I can think is…Wild At Heart.
* I pay for my gas, car air-freshener, and a can of Grizzly.
* I walk outside staring at what’s in my hand and I can’t figure out why I just bought chewing tobacco.
* I pump my gas and examine the can thinking this stuff is nasty, why did I buy this?
* I open the can and grab a big ole’ fat pinch of this black, mint-smelling dirt and stick it in my mouth.
* I realize I have no idea how to chew tobacco. All I know is that I better not swallow any.
* My gas stops pumping as I continue to fiddle with this wad of crud in my lip.
* It burns and for some reason this is completely unexpected to me.
* I replace the gas pump, and I hop in the car. That’s when I realized how dizzy I was.
* I suddenly notice that I can’t even drive. I pull the car forward and pull into an empty space.
* I break out into a sweat and I spit out the wad of tobacco…it’s approximately 3 or 4 minutes since I popped it into my mouth in the first place.
* I can feel a nicotine rush going through my face and neck, down into my arms. My hands are shaking.
* I open the car door and I begin throwing up my breakfast.
* After puking, I get back into the car and I sit in the drivers seat for 15 minutes trying to regain composure. My cold sweat turns into a hot flash and I start to fear that I am an incredible wuss.
* Finally, after feeling okay to drive, I throw the can of tobacco out the window of my car and yell…
THANKS A LOT JOHN ELDREDGE!!
A verse comes to mind:
“Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive. - 1 Corinthians 10:23
And another one too:
“As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.” - Proverbs 26:11
Well…this dog ain’t repeating that folly.
Public confession time…share yours.
71 Comments
this is exactly why i never started to smoke…
I was in high school and all the “cool kids” smoked, so 1 day i decided to try..
Same exact reaction as yours.. as in kneeling over losing my lunch my gf says to me… oh that feeling will go away, you will get use to it.
Um, WHY WOULD I WANT TO FEEL THIS UNTIL I GET USE TO IT..
To this day, im the only non smoker in my family and circle of friends..
3 years ago i cared for my father while he bravely battled lung cancer. He smoked for like 50+ years.. The doctor actually had the nerve to tell us his lung cancer wasnt “smoking related”
mmmk
(long time reader, 1st time commenter.. i felt compelled to reply on this topic)
bottom line : please dont ever smoke and those of you that currently do.. please stop. DOnt put your family thru what mine went thru. You’ll thank me for it.
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Great book. Seriously funny post.
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I read the book too….hoping to understand my man and son better. It was very enlightening. I recommend that women read it too!
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Once my Dad forced us to take chew (this is probably illegal). It was probably only a tiny amount but still. Worked though. We puked and never touched the stuff!
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My job is to perform science-based shows in schools and there are 2 incidents that to this day i can not begin to fathom why i did them :
- during a show i realized that the empty beaker that my partner needed momentarily was indeed not empty, but filled with a clear liquid instead; with only a few seconds to fix the situation i ducked into the wings of the stage and drank the solution that for some reason i thought was water - it was ammonia and my heart almost stopped
- conducting safety training with my new staff i wanted them to appreciate that dry ice could be dangerous very quickly if you weren’t paying attention due to its sub-zero temperature so i took a piece and held it against my own hand for 5 seconds, resulting in a 2nd degree burn (and horrified staff)
No matter how good you are, no matter how smart you are, no matter how strong you are, at the end of the day we are all still human. We do dumb things sometimes.
But telling the story out loud and laughing at yourself somehow makes it okay. Thanks for sharing and thanks for letting us share.
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I am laughing so hard!! and think that may be I understand my son a little better…thank you!
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Well, now you know….
Way to be brave…
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Clove cigarettes! I’ve never been and am not a smoker. However, in my younger years of doing and trying whatever struck me at the moment, I spent an evening with clove cigarettes…and peppermint schnaps. What a combination. Made me sick all night. To this day, I can’t do either one (and don’t want to try). I’m still not sure why I thought that was a good idea in the first place.
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What da heck WERE you thinking. Oh Ryan, you just made me laugh so hard though-thank you for sharing!
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When I drink tequila I want to smoke. Guaranteed. Won’t smoke any other time, lost my pack-a-day-smoker father at 42 to heart attack. But boy when I drink tequila…
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Funny! But not sure what that has to do with J.E.?
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I walked in on my boyfriends father in the restroom #2′n it….on Fathers Day!! Doesn’t get much worse than that…I still have the mental image in my head…. ahhhhhhhhh pale white legs!!
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OMG so funny! The same thing happened to me in high school. We started off chewing peach and cherry chew and never got a buzz. We tried Mint Skol and were so stoned on it that we couldn’t lift our heads. Afterwards I popped in a piece of gum and promptly lost my lunch!
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I did something similar after my senior year in high school. I tried it and ended up throwing up in Mark Rasmussen’s driveway. There was no John Eldredge, but I guess he was there in spirit.
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THAT WAS HISTERICAL!! I am laughing still as I type.
Ummm… I read that book also. Made feel better about my crazy punk boys who want to try to shoot up everything in sight but for the most part I think it may cause guys to go out and do crazy things like you just did.
But it was a funny story.
I’ve never done anything crazy. Never. So I can’t confess? Sorry.
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Absolutely wonderful post! I’m too locked up to do anything that crazy.
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sounds like you just experienced menopause!
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i don’t have anything to share but that was great.
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Ok, didn’t you tell me before that you tried that stuff a long time ago and it made you sick? Ha ha, I had a sure why not moment yesterday and picked up a stranger and then left him in my car while I went to the grocery store. No one puked though.
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This post made me laugh and laugh and laugh. I just love the randomness of it all. Thanks for sharing!
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Oh that’s funny! Love the verses that came to your mind after the fact.
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This is beautiful.
Well, for me, not for you.
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Turned 21 while a continent away from my parents and thought it would probably okay to drink an entire bottle of Amaretto… A very quick way to learn one’s lesson. I just wish those verses you shared had been with me before I opened the bottle!
Thanks for sharing!
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I have to admit that for one summer I thought I would give chewing a try…needless to say by the end of summer I was no longer touching the stuff. The chew my friends had was in packets too so they promised me it would be easier to stand. It is crazy how it burns too, I remember the first time I put the little packet in my mouth and I couldn’t believe the feeling it makes; almost like really, really strong mouth wash you don’t spit out. My puking moment was when I drank way too much, mixing beer and liquor and then decided to chew. My night was ended early and spent on the bathroom floor of my friends parents house. Haven’t touched the nasty stuff since! Glad you quit, it’s bad for you anyways!!
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Today at work we were swapping stories of dumb things we’ve done with fireworks.
I was present when someone decided to place an M-80 under a can to launch it — it did launch — but in pieces… can you say shrapnel?? Needless to say I did learn never to do that
Not that I have M-80s around to do it with — but if I did — and if you do — don’t put it under a can 
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Thanks…Perhaps you’ll have a son soon…if so, please at least read the first story of the blind boy in james dobsons’ “bringing up boys”
Mom of three….BOYS!
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Oh my. You are a funny one!
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My best friend and I went to hear her brother play the keyboard at a coffee shop (early 90’s keyboards were totally in at coffee shops). He smoked clove cigarettes. We both started smoking them that night. I was trying to keep up with my friend and only realized about 5 cigarettes in that she was not inhaling. I threw up 3 times when I got home.
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Hi Pastor Ryan! I am sorry for your experience….but honestly, I could’nt stop laughing! It reminded me of another inicident I wittnessed. I walked into a thrift store, and there was a man holding a bee zapper…it had a note on it saying live! What does he do? He put his whole hand on it! Then he jumps and says “holy_____this is live! I couldn’t help it, I started to laugh and then I said…”Get a good zap did you”? Then he says “Holy____, I’m getting out of here” And with that he threw down the bee zapper and stormed out! I laughed all the way home! Just thought I would share, Ina from the Westcoast….still chuckling
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Ha! That’s funny. I chewed tobacco once. I didn’t puke.
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so sorry so much for being adventurous!
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One of my favorite books… and one of the funniest posts I’ve ever read.
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thanks for these verses… I need them hanging on my wall or something. they help me a lot in everyday life.
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I agree with Wendy….
It sounds like Menopause …
Just saying
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I’m so glad I found your blog. Its nice to find someone who is inspirational in this sea of internet discontent. I look forward to reading you in the future.
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You know, being spontaneous doesn’t necessarilly entail rash stupidity.
Just remember, you kiss your wife and daughter with that mouth!
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Wow. Excellent, honest post. My dad gave up a decades-long habit of chewing a few years ago. I had no idea it had been so potent. My mom had been reading him articles about it forever - how there are little shards of glass in there to get the nicotine into your system quicker by cutting your mouth…. True? Yikes - it makes me cringe just thinking about it.
Glad you hated it!
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Sorry you coughed up your cookies, Ryan. Sometimes even the most thoughtful among us need to learn from experience
I have not read “Wild at Heart,” but I say don’t let a can of chew detain you from feeling frisky every now and then!
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I laughed so loudly after reading this post! Great lesson!
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I “smoked” in HS to be cool. What I basically did was buy cigarettes, light them, and let them burn. I never took “real” drags. One day, while in business school, I was downtown waiting for a bus. I had my cigarettes and took a REAL drag. It was horrible. To this day I don’t remember getting on the bus and the busride home. When I finally got home I puked and had to go lay down because of the shakes and sweats.
Never bought a pack again. And forgot about being “cool.”
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I had a similar experience: I was home for a college break and was experiencing the usual family holiday angst. A (smoker) girlfriend came for a visit and we went out to dinner to escape the turmoil at home.
I decided to try a cigarette - and then in my animated mega-vent to her, proceeded to smoke about 8 of them!
And then was sick in the parking lot….
I’ve never smoked since.
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Many years ago (’bout 15 or so) a friend of mine and I used to go to a very nice and sort of hip restaurant across the street form a very prominent college in Mexico. I guess we wanted to be around all the students. Well, we used to sit there for hours on end, smoking cigarettes and drinking cup after cup of coffee.
Most of the time I would go home and puke, high in nicotine and caffeine.
But then, over the weekend, I would do it again.
Why did I do that to myself?
I guess we felt all “cosmopolitan” doing that.
Not necessarily embarrassing, but stupid nonetheless.
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Funny- I just read that verse in Proverbs the other day…
I’ve got some miracles happening in my life. I’ve posted on my blog about some crazy stuff going on and you might enjoy reading it. If you hit my blog, start with “Prayer Request” and go up from there.
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I used to smoke, for about four years on and off. (I’ve been free for six years!) I know there’s a reason I was a smoker and it wasn’t to be cool, it was so I could help my friends quit in the future.
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J.E. didn’t make you puke
thank yourself goofball! Good verses though!
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I just laughed out loud. What a great lesson for God to teach you, and in such a weird way!
Great book to read by the way is Francis Chan’s Crazy Love. It will challenge and inspire you and convict you. I just read it with my Sunday school class….WOW!
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WHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Great story!!
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Oh man, thanks for the laugh. I’m sitting at my desk cackling out loud at your story! Did I just say “cackling”? I’m laughing because I read the women’s companion book to Wild at Heart - Captivating…it’s about how we women grow up living in the “Disney Princess” mentality and how we look to men to be our white knight or prince. If we use your philosophy, I”ll be chopping wood by sundown! Thanks for the story!
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Ew, haha. I really can’t think of anything to confess right now… I’ll get back to you on that…
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I have no confession - at least not that I’m willing to put on here. Smoking was never a temptation - nor was drinking . . . I can be stupid enough on my own without alcohol to spur me on.
I would be interested to know what you think of that book - tobacco incident aside. I firmly believe in inherent differences between men and women, boys and girls, but his premise as to why . . . I wasn’t quite sure I agreed.
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Oh Ryan! I love you for telling us that story!
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I am cracking up~thanks for the laugh.
In high school, I smoked a cigar in our house just to rile my mom. Yes, she was riled up but the joke was on me. I,too, got sick.
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I had terrible case of indigestion and acid reflux. I remembered hearing somewhere long ago that if you drink a shot of vinegar it will cut the acid and get rid of the burn. I believed it. For the love of God, I believed it. It does work only in that you no longer care about your acid reflux. You just want to stop the vomiting and crying.
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Great post!
I was on my way home from a business trip with several co-workers when I decided to try a vanilla shake from a coffee stand at the airport. As I finished the large drink I was so high I could not stand straight. I soon discovered the shake had 2 shots of espresso! I am not a coffee drinker… I sat there freaking out and totally high thinking I was going to die!
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That was hilarious. I love “Wild at Heart” and married a man who really is wild at heart. I love him lots. He doesn’t dip and I like that too!!
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Haha!! I haven’t read that book yet, but have started reading captivating more than once!! Great story i def. LOL!! I could picture the whole thing!
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I once thought I could keep up with my boyfriend and his buddies in a game of bar-dice. Drinking tequila. I made it six rounds before I was puking in the parking lot. I then proceded to fall off the front steps of his parents house, into the bushes, dumping the contents of my purse everywhere (his mom found my chapstick 3 months later while weeding). To this day, the smell of tequila makes me gag. Jose Cuervo is NOT a friend of mine.
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I so just laughed out loud at my desk. I have to many things to confess but I am taking the scripture to heart.Thanks for making my Thursday!
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Well geez, you experienced the worst of pregnancy and perimenapausal symptoms: feeling dizzy, puking, hot and cold flashes. Aren’t you glad it didn’t last LONG?
Crazy guy. Thanks for the laugh.
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AHHHAAAHAA!!! That right there? Thats FUNNY. Thanks for the laugh, dude.
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Hi Ryan - Very funny (sorry), and inspiring. God has us on a perpetual learning curve…doesn’t matter if you work for Him directly, or not. He is watching and guiding…..we goof up, and He keeps trying to get us to listen….you make me smile, and I am sure that you make God smile too! Thanks for sharing.
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Crazy, crazy boy! I like that verse, though. We often fight about what is right, and if this is OK or that sin or not. But that is not the point. The point is that it isn’t important if it is bad. The point is if it is helping you! If it is not helping in your effectiveness in life, then kick it to the curb! And that is all there is to it!
http://walkaschildren.blogspot.com
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I’ve never chewed. But, my dads best friend did & I had the misfortune of mistaking his ’spitter’ for my soda. I took a big swig and promptly hurled all over the floor. If I am ever around him, I keep my drinks with me at all times!!
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Inspiring..remembering a time and the reason why, but will never do “it” again.
Thanks for sharing.
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that is hysterical! i betcha Jesus was laughing harder than i am.
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When: New Year’s Eve Party when I was 16
What: Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill
How: Drank a whole bottle, then tasted it again as I splattered the hostesses bathroom wall.
Why: Who knows? I was cool?
I really wish I remembered that girl’s name. What a mess I left. I owe her big time.
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Funny stuff. I don’t think I’ll buy the book for my three guys.
It is good to just be silly and impulsive sometimes though. Losing your breakfast is the pits.
I won’t be sharing today as there are somethings my kids just shouldn’t be able to trace back to me.
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i laughed so hard when i read this. our ladies bible study just finished captivating and i think i gained 10lbs during the study. nice. i should have been prepared for that emotional eating. lol i think that i would trade the puke for the pounds any day. still laughing at the “manliness” of the tobacco chew.
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The most RECENT thing I’ve done is being pig-headed and insisting to my husband that wearing flip-flops in our under-construction house was fine. Needless to say, I slid on a wet floor, wiped out, and thought I had broken my arm. Hopefully, I’ll learn.
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We now have 3 kids, but before there were kids, there was Molly. All 50 pounds of her 4-legged, black-furried, long-tongued, slobbery doggness. She was our one and only.
When we moved to a new town and a small yard, Molly got a little rowdy. She barked a little too much. Okay, a lot too much. Okay, okay, we got a warning from the city that they’d fine us if she didn’t quit.
So we got a bark collar. I didn’t want to use it until I tested it.
Can I just stop the story there by saying it worked and we didn’t use it? Ouch.
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I am weeping. Thank you.
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One Trackback
[...] Now in 2010 the pattern seems to true, especially for Protestant men. Former “nice boys” and Promise Keepers attendees, they now look to buck the restraint associated with Victorian morality and fundamentalistic codes. The new Muscular Christians are showing their rough side… by throwing down a couple of cold ones. Preferably stouts. For instance, hipster pastor Mark Driscoll writes in Radical Reformission how light beer is a sin – a claim that could be taken figuratively until one considers that he helps to sponsor a brewing club at Mars Hill Church in Seattle. Meanwhile, John Eldredge, a light beer hater himself, encourages men to disregard legalistic conventions and follow their wild heart (or stomach?). Attempts to follow this injunction in the beer department have led to some funny results. [...]