The cliche things we say are cliche for a reason. It’s not that we aren’t creative enough, or that we lack original thoughts…it’s just that things are most fully summed up with a certain statement that just happens to have been figured out by lots of people over many years.
They do grow up too fast. Way too fast for MY liking. And maybe that’s the point. Maybe them growing up “too fast” is a thing that has to happen or else we would ruin them with our overwhelming desire to control them. Maybe the speed at which they are born, grow large, and exit our houses is designed by God so that our children can survive our interactions with them.
Maybe they’re not growing up too fast.
Maybe they’re growing up just as quickly as they’ve been intended to. The perfect speed.
We can’t control the speed at which our children grow up, and yet I see so many parents on a daily basis trying to do just that. If you’re one of these parents, I have a small suggestion; stop doing that.
It doesn’t work. Just as most of our attempts to control things don’t really work. They almost always end up pushing things or people away that we are so desperately trying to cling to.
So here’s the question for the day:
Ummmm
EVERY SIGLE AREA you can think of.. That’s all
:0
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I like your perspective. Makes perfect sense to me and is something I try to remember daily. We are exactly where we’re supposed to be.
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One area stands out among all others: Politics!!!!
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I always try to remind myself that I have a God that is in control which frees me from worries. Now, we all know that this doesn’t always work, so I would have to say my current control issues are…
- My job wants to send me to Kazakhstan and I’m scared to death to go without my husband. I just need to trust fully in God and know that I can’t change his plans for me.
- Becoming a parent. My husband and I are/were trying to have a baby, but after 8 months no luck. Since my job told me about Kazakhstan, we don’t know what to do. I want to have full control over this situation (i.e. when I leave for Kazakhstan, how long I will be there, what day I get pregnant, etc.) but we all know, this is not possible.
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There are too many areas where I think I have control over things. I need to let a lot of them go.
In another area, how can you help me deal with this?
-Chris
Weather Moose
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I try to keep her within boundaries too much. It has it’s up sides, she’s a darn good girl and her teachers and other parents trust her a lot more than they do others. On the flip side I worry that maybe she isn’t enjoying her younger years and letting loose as much as she could. The question is how much of that is her personality and how much is her over bearing mom? I don’t know but I try. I don’t try and keep her within any pre-set ideas of where she should be or to grow up faster or be a kid longer. She’ll get there when she does, no rush.
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I worry so much about who my daughter dates and her choice of a future husband. I get really antsy and controlling if she is dating someone I don’t like, someone I don’t think will provide her with the future I want for her. I want her to have in-laws that are crazy about her. I want her to have a husband that is crazy about her. I want her kids to have grandparents like my grandparents were to me. I can do that, but will her in-laws. she’s a senior in high school and almost 18. I am strugging with how much control to have.
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I can’t do it all. When I try, EVERYTHING suffers.
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This post brings tears to my eyes and pain to my heart. For you see, I probably over-controlled my daughter (now 29) and most definately under-controlled my daughter.
Mixed up? You bet.
There is such a fine line between the two.
Your blog is not long enough for my story, but I love the fact that you’ve asked such an important question that deserves great thought.
Please, young parents ~ don’t rush ~ slow down ~ slow food ~ slow it all down and turn off the tv. ♥
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Ugh, I need to relinquish control in sooo many areas of my life. Very thought provoking, me and God were just having a bit of a conversation about this today. Double conviction.
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I’ve convinced myself that God is in control and it’s not about me. However, there’s always that little itty bitty area in us that wants to control. I seek God and His wisdom daily to leave my everything at His feet. I seek to bow at His feet and worship Him; though I’m not worthy. He wants me to commune with Him. Praise God.
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A false sense of control when it comes to my children? I don’t believe I have one. I think (stress think) I have been able to put pretty good restrictions on my expectations, safe guards and demands for my children.
In my own life?
I think if I let myself feel okay about what kind of mother/wife/daughter I am if I didn’t always have a clean house … I think that would improve my outlook greatly. However, I have “control” over so few things in my life – that having an obsessively tidy house makes me feel a little more secure.
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Control with perfectionism. Trying to have everything just so before I dare, try, do what I’m supposed to do. Fear freezes.
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I am a recovering control freak. After a few very difficult years with our (strong-willed)first born and trying to control her (thru the middle school years)….and messing up really bad….I learned to release more and more control. (counseling is a wonderful thing)… the more I let God control, and the less control I needed, the more God stepped in…and eventually our girl let God control her life.
I still want to control…and still try.
Seems like controlling our kids is a common theme…like we could ever control them!!!
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In my work life
In my home life
In my marital life
In my parental life
In my life
Right now, I am going to give up my current worries to God and know that whatever will happen, will happen, in His time.
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Oh and, thanks again for a timely post – it’s my son’s birthday today.
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I like to think that i can prepare for my mother’s death; that all of the things i do and control while she’s ill will make a difference in the end. I like to think that my action will stave off the inevitable or at least make it bearable when it comes.
Ridiculous, of course.
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Avoiding germs, especially of the sickness/any-kind-of-flu variety…there is NOTHING I can do about it.
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Funny you should mention this. We worked on this in my SOZO session last week. I think I can sum it up in one word: Everywhere.
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I would very much like to stop controlling my time. It’s difficult to explain, but basically I’m quite possessive of my time, so much so that I waste it by avoiding doing anything I don’t want to do.
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Just pretty happy to keep myself under control. Don’t always do that well.
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A loved one’s drug addiction.
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