Last week I tweeted this:
What I meant was this:
The church has stolen my joy from me. I’ve read about it, heard about it, and been warned repeatedly about it…but somehow I did exactly what I never wanted to do. I allowed the work I was doing for God get in the way of the work God was doing in me. I traded in the real thing for the cubic zirconium.
Going, going, going…a hundred miles an hour each day to get it all done and all of the sudden I look around and I can hardly see God anywhere. Here comes disclaimer number one…
* I hate writing about this.
It’s the reason I haven’t been blogging lately. Not only has there been a lack of time, but there’s this thing inside of me that doesn’t want to admit that the church was chewing me up and spitting me out. I’m an advocate for the local church. I believe it’s a beautiful thing…and yet she can be a cruel mistress if you allow her to be. I’m one of those guys who believes in “burnout”…for other people. Sure that can happen…sure it’s real…but not for me. Yeeeeaaah.
Consider myself burnt. Crispy.
You see, the church is comprised of several groups of people. Some are in search of God. Some are in search of community. Some are in search of healing. Some would appear to be there to tell you all the things you’re doing wrong. It’s comprised of broken people who need care. Not everyone of course. Many have turned in their bibs long ago and have totted aprons ever since, but some will need, need, need. As hard as I try, I cannot separate the empathy gifting/cursing I’ve been given from my own attitude. I wear the weight of other people on my shoulders and sometimes it just gets too heavy.
People you’ve grown to know and love have seriously awful things happen to them and it’s impossible to be the strong one or the one with good advice or the listening ear without hurting along side of them.
Disclaimer number two:
* I also hate writing about this because I know this makes no sense to so many people.
Sure…you may understand what I’m saying, but many of you are thinking Stop whining. This is exactly why I don’t belong to a church in the first place. God probably doesn’t even exist…why do you church people put yourselves through this?
Truthfully, I don’t know. But I got sucked into the trap and I’ve been living a counterfeit version of the real thing for the last few months. No time for writing, no time for photography, no time for cooking, no time for QUALITY family interaction – nothing.
I’ve been missing out. Thankfully, my pastor recognized this process and strongly encouraged me to take some time off. And so here I am…writing…rambling…and I’ve got nothing to do all day. For now, I’m starting with two weeks off to find my pulse again.
Flickers of a heartbeat have been showing up already.
So proud of you Ryan for recognizing this and adding some margins in your life before it’s too late.
I’ll be praying for you.
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i truly appreciate your transparency. it’s not something that is often found in people today and when i get a glimpse of it, it is a refreshing blessing to my soul.
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For what it’s worth, you’ve been missed.
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I so know where you are coming from. People kept telling Doug and I we would burn out. I laughed at them. When you give and give and give it is bound to happen. I pray you enjoy your time off and come back refreshed and your spirit gets renewed.
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I so appreciate the honesty here. I understand all about feeling burnt out, it was actually my own topic of discussion on my blog this morning. I’m crispy on being a full-time mama, which I feel tremendously guilty about. But like I said in my post, I’m not a supermama, just trying to do the best I can.
All of us need a break sometimes to reset ourselves. I’m glad you’re getting your respite.
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I am praying for you. You will find it again, and you will be restored. Hold on to the ONE who heals all. Blessings to you and your family. One breath at a time, man…
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I feel your pain…literally. I’m reading “Mad Church Disease” about burnout in the church (by Anne Jackson). Highly recommend it.
Will be praying for your tired shoulders.
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Good for you for having the strength and courage to admit these things, to yourself and to others. Being a Christian is just one part of our lives, and it can be a burden and a soul-sucker sometimes, just like the other parts. It seems so awful to say so, but it’s true.
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I hope you find your center again. Burnout stinks.
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I love you, Ryan.
And I’ve been where you are more than once. In fact, I’m coming out of where you are right now. I’ve been there this Summer, just took a vacation, and am rebuilding my love for God and people starting with the basics of the spiritual disciplines: prayer, scripture, meditation, silence. It’s no quick fix but it’s nursing me back to health, reforming good habits, restoring communication with God by retraining me to hear from Him and talk back all day long. It’s what Brother Lawrence would call “practicing the Presence of God.”
Anyway, it’s helping me to go back to basics, take time off, be loved by friends and family and love them back – which takes time. Lots of time. So thankful your boss/friend/pastor is giving you that time.
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One of my fb friends has the perfect note un der his profile- God is number 1- Family is number 2 and myself is last. Now I’m betting YOUR relationship with God is needing some TLC- I’d work on that and then you say you have no time for other “fun” stuff- but by putting your family next and including them I bet you’ll be feeling better- It’s no sin to admit burnout and take a break- you’re a pastor thus making you human- forget the group that has nothing good to say at the church – there’s a few in every congregation world wide- step back-breath deep and enjoy your vacation
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Honestly, I think this happens to all caregivers. (Dr’s, Nurses, Pastors, etc. even me, Massage Therapist) You want to give because you care and there are some people that will take more than we can handle. There are some very emotionally needy people in the world. The hard thing on our part is putting limits on what people can take from us and what we allow them to dump back onto us. It’s an exhausting endevour. Once you find your balance it will become rewarding again. Good luck finding yours. It’s taken me a few years.
j.
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My dad is a pastor and I have seen this happen to him many times, and no one recognized what was happening. He just kept plugging along never getting the help he needed, until recently, to refocus his love of the church. Your lucky that you and your pastor have caught this and understand that it is temporary before it ruins relationships.
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You haven’t lost this reader.
There is a lot of wisdom in taking a break. Don’t be surprised if a couple of weeks doesn’t do it for you. It took you a long time to get like this, and it might take you a long time to start breathing normally again.
Also, I believe that the mercy gifting is the hardest one to bear and requires the most wisdom and determination in setting godly, healthy personal boundaries and mindsets. And sometimes other people’s hurts give us permission to feel pain that is really our own but that we don’t want to recognize or own. Don’t forget to ask God if you fall into that category. He will always tell you the truth.
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I know exactly how you feel – my beloved and I spent the first several years of our marriage in FT ministry. It’s hard. It’s demanding. As a pastor you always feel torn between your two loves – the church and your family. The second almost always takes a back seat to the first. But God is such a big, wonderful, amazing, provident God. He can carry you through this. Taking time away is great – even Jesus had to “escape” on a regular basis to pray and be refreshed by his Father. Spend some time with your family – catch up. Take a few naps. Do some of the things you’ve been wanting to do for a while but haven’t. But most importantly, make time to get alone with God – just the two of you – NO distractions. Praise Him for who he is to you and what he’s done in your life. Spend time meditating on His wonderfully precious words. And then take your burdens to him. Lay them at His feet, and then walk away completely. Don’t tie a string to them and flick them in his direction, only to drag them back to reality with you. Give them to Him and then trust that He’s going to take care of them and renew your strength at the same time. I’ll be praying for you and your family. Don’t let the Devil use this seemingly trying time in your life to gain a foothold of apathy. You are a blessing to others.
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jennibell says:
July 21st, 2010 at 9:41 pm
@snobound, Well said, snobound. This is my exact prayer and hope for you Ryan. God has already provided for you in a mentor/pastor/boss who recognizes this and is able to give you some time to recharge. This blog reader (me) will still be here when you are ready to come back! Thank you for your authenticity.
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our sermon this past Sunday was from the famous “martha and mary” text in Luke. we were encouraged to not be too hard on martha – she was, after all, “serving” – her service, however proved to be a distraction to what, or WHO was more important.
we all out here know that you know that it is all about Jesus – you’ve just been distracted. the antedote is sitting at His feet and drinking in His abundant Grace – have a lovely 2 weeks – I know it will produce an abundance of love and grace poured out from HIM to others – thru you.
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Ryan – thank you for your honesty and transparency.
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Yup to all of it.
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First – I understand your pain. It’s real. Kudos to Tim for giving you time == a wonderful gift.
For the last several days I’ve been listening to VWS messages on my daily walks. Music wasn’t doing it for me…and neither was our church. The messages from VWS are changing me — making sense to me — helping me focus on my life with God.
Enjoy your time. It’s good to see you writing again. Using your gifts — Leaving a mark. (listened to “Leave A Mark” – week 5 today).
Shalom
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Dude, have you ever read the Mitford Series by Jan Karon? Totally understand what you’re going through, and I don’t even consider myself a Christian anymore. Beautiful stories of Father Tim, Episcopal priest trying to minister small town with all its quirks, and never giving himself a break either, until his health or something else gives. Kudos to you and your higher-ups for recognizing your needs and giving you the chance to recharge. Sending healing energy your way.
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I don’t think you could get so involved (sucked into) the church and its people if you didn’t care so much. I think that what makes you such a good person is the same thing that puts you into danger of this burnout.
Take care of yourself. We’ll be here when you find your balance.
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Ryan. Those of us who have been following you for awhile could tell something was wrong. And we’ve been waiting patiently, still here.
I grew up in the church. My father was a minister. I’ve seen the church “chew people up” over and over. Being involved in the church is like being a parent. You give love. You give everything you have out of love. You take joy in the giving. And then one day, you realize you’ve given until you’re empty because you forgot to take the time to give back to yourself.
Thank you for this post. In a backwards way, it is helping me today. I am a stay at home mom. I love my son. I give him all 24 hours of my day with all the joy in me. And recently? I hit the wall. I was coming up empty. I knew I needed a break, so I gave in and hired some help for a couple of afternoons a week. Today is the nanny’s first day, and I was sitting here feeling guilty about handing my son over to someone else until I read your post.
Now I feel reassured that I’ve done the right thing by taking a break. It’s time to go to God with prayer and study, and take complete advantage of the quality time I’ve been given.
When you feel your burden is too heavy, whether it’s with your own problems or the worries of others you help shoulder, always remember to hand it over to God. You’re not a pack mule. It is your calling, as a pastor, to pray with your flock for the answers. Not to carry them on your own.
Allow God to work in the lives of those around you through his grace and prayer.
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Being truthful trumps being cool any day! Proud of you (I’m old enough to be your grandma) for being smart enough and having smart people around you to know – if you fail at home – there is NO church activity/group/growth/blessing which can remediate the failure at home. Giggle on the floor with that gorgeous wife and two fantastic kids – tell us about your dog – take pictures of Ava’s inventive hairdos – do whatever tickles yer fancy – ’cause you have a fancy – we’ve all seen it and that’s why we aren’t in the group which isn’t visiting now.
OH – I am re reading Chronicles of Narnia to get me back in touch with my Jesus Joy – is he the Lion or the Lamb? yes –
Blessings to you – peace, joy and a scratching of the spiritual itches you have! Love from an OLDER Sister in Christ
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God bless your time off. I’ve missed your postings too!
Song that’s been a huge huge blessing to me the last few days? Keith Green’s “When I hear the Praises Start” I heard a comment that Keith had written that in a dry spell always “looking for a song” and instead, God wrote HIM a love son. Ahhh…. That’s the God we love. When we are weary, he sends US love notes.
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My husband and I have been there, and are there to an extent right now. Except we’ve come to see that the church, the bride, just isn’t how God intended much of the time. I wonder and dream of how the church in America can be different. I have hope that we can change. I’ve read a couple books that are pretty amazing. I have them on my kindle, or i’d send them to you…
Church 3.0
and
Tangible Kingdom
Maybe you could give them a read. The latter is probably the easier read, but both are accessible.
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Tracie says:
July 20th, 2010 at 10:37 am
@Tracie, You can find us at http://www.thereedblog.com
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This is truly how I feel right now, but I couldn’t put it into words. Thanks for verbalizing it for me.
Debbie
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Thanks, Ryan, for sharing this. I was so glad to see a new post from you. I was starting to wonder what was going on. Looks like your openness is serving you well…you’re doing something about the burnout and apathy now instead of allowing it to fester. Thanks.
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I will tell you, Ryan. This IS why I left the church. But I stayed gone because there was no one in the congregation willing to admit what you just did right now. The honesty is refreshing. That may not have been what you were going for, but it’s helpful for those of us feeling just as lost and burned out.
You didn’t lose me as a reader.
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As a former PK, I get it, if secondhandedly.
Funny how those people who tell you everything you’re doing wrong seem to be the smallest group but make the biggest noise.
And, not that it’s much consolation, but that compassion/empathy you experience is God-given. He uses it to reach people, to make your prayers more, um, ?powerful. (There’s scripture to support that but I have a 2yo wielding a lightsaber and so I lack the time atm.) You just need to figure out how to “manage” it, for your own self, your own good. How to give it back to God, maybe.
Being a member of a church and being in ministry in a church are two different things. Being the manager or being a patron. Different viewpts, different needs, different responsibilities. You have a good pastor, to recognize and force you to take some time out. I hope it is renewing, rejuvenating, fruitful.
Blessings.
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Hi Ryan — I’ve never commented on your post, but have been following you off and on for months. I love what you’re all about. I think a break will do wonders for you. Relax, cook, take lots of photos and spend time with your beautiful family and you’ll come back strong! I’m sure of it!
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I get you. Praying for you, buddy.
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Thanks for being so honest. The church desperately needs more transparency, and to know that it’s okay to say no and walk away for a while. I think we impact people much more through our brokenness than by appearing to have it all together. Know that there are still plenty of people who care and are praying for you and hey, if cooking is therapeutic for you, recipes are always appreciated. Just sayin.
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[...] This Is Reverb » How to lose 3,000 blog readers in 90 days… thisisreverb.com/2010/07/how-to-lose-3000-blog-readers-in-90-days.html – view page – cached The church has stolen my joy from me. I’ve read about it, heard about it, and been warned repeatedly about it…but somehow I did exactly what I never wanted to do. I allowed the work I was doing for God get in the way of the work God was doing in me. I traded in the real thing for the cubic Tweets about this link [...]
Ryan Almighty,
just let GOD do His work, while You relax in His spacious air conditioned embrace.
You can NOT be everything to everyone ALL the time — that’s God’s job discription; not yours.
Glide in peace & harmony!
/Marcus
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I take great comfort in knowing that we get fresh doses of grace & strength every day, and that we love a God of generous fresh starts…
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This is why I, as a teacher, need a break during the summer. You can only be totally present to a large group of needy (but wonderful) people for so long before you have no more left to give. I know this is a cliche but this is why they tell you to put your oxygen mask on first if your plane is in trouble. If you can’t breathe (physically AND metaphorically), how are you going to help others?
Love and prayers
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Ryan – I love you! For your honesty and your courage. For you just being you. I am not a teaching pastor but I have been through my share of things that make me weary and question God, humanity, the theology that I have been taught. (long story alert)…For a while I had to stop listening to sermons. Even by people who I love and admire. My “inputter” (number on strength – input you know) was overwhelmed with contradictory messages, “7 steps to…” messages and simple answers to complex issues. For a while, to open the Bible was like opening a box of screaming voices that wanted to tell me how badly I was screwing up and how much I still needed to do to be pleasing, how this thing called ‘God’s will’ was what was leading me down so many confusing roads (when it was really my anxious heart trying to be perfect for a false, demanding God). This last year I finally broke. And my friends held me as I cried. And Papa came near and He said ‘rest…stop thinking so much and striving so much, explore with me, enjoy life, stop trying to solve the world’s problems and for my sake, stop trying to be RIGHT all the time’…My whole foundation (of sinking sand) was ripped out from under me and all I had left was me, God, and those who loved me…And ya know what – IT IS ENOUGH. I’m slowly getting back to being able to take in. And I am taking in what I want without fear that I’ll read the wrong thing or get on the wrong track. My faith is stronger, but still feels kind of new, learning to walk on fresh legs that are built a little differently. But I feel freer than I have in a long time and i know that it has been largely because of my Vineyard family, YOUR teaching and your friendship that I have gotten to where I am…THANK YOU for that…And I pray that you take whatever time you need to rejuvinate. Photograph, cook, be with your fam…ENJOY and BE FREE! Hugs, brother! Helen
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i’m a pastor’s kid and have seen many a burnout in my day. You would think I would have learned by now…my husband are the worship leaders at our church and we are BURNED to charcoal dust. This post was a much needed reminder – it’s hard to lead and care for other people when your self-care is lacking. The way people dealt with burnout (including my pastor parents) was backwards. Put your head down, plow forward while pieces continue to fall off of you until you’ve literally got nothing left…and don’t you dare complain about it because this is your calling, your duty…your JOB. I’ve always prayed that I wouldn’t fall into that trap…and here I am. You’ve nudged me towards sanity this morning. Thank you for that.
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Hang in there, and don’t put too much pressure on yourself during your time off like you have to be in a specific place by the end of your two weeks. Just enjoy life, enjoy your family, and eat some good food.
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I’m praying for you, brother! God has His hand on you and He won’t let you go!
May this down time be a time of reconnecting, with your family, with our Lord, and with yourself!
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You didn’t lose us readers. We were just waiting. Kind of like our Lord. Bless you…
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ouch
I am planning on visiting a friend in Cincy in the next two weeks with every intention of popping in on VWS and the Refuge to see it all with my senses and maybe have a chance to say hi – oh irony…!!
church hurts
people hurt
we’re like family…. that we love/hate to see on Thanksgiving… I think the keys for making family work are going to be the keys to make church work – and those who can hold onto and use those keys in the midst of more pressure will be those gifted with the duty of “feeding” a larger group of “sheep” – what did Jesus mean when he told Peter – “feed my sheep”? what exactly did he mean? I’m a single mom – I have to “pastor” my family almost completely alone – what does it really truly mean for me to do?
I’m so burnt from trying to do/live something real and effective out of this belief system that I’m ready to puke at times
I’ve concluded that forgiving laughter is 85% of it… now to overcome being burnt and get my bearings enough to learn how to be that person in the right moments… to different people in different stages in different situations mixed in with the meddling input of others “doing their best” and in the larger community that I must feed by proxy and intention (to fit the Biblical description of a believer)…
(sigh.) good luck. I know you’ll survive it and probably come out of it wiser and stronger for the experience
there’s always that…! 
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Ryan I love your analogy about the bib and the apron. I think we need to remember they are interchangeable and it’s not a sign of weakness to take of the apron and put on the bib. I am very impressed with way you let God work in your life. Although I belong to a different religion altogether, and I am a fickle blogstalker, I still read yours. Mostly because you are honest and genuine. You truly love being God’s hands and I don’t think you let religion define you, you let God define you. There is a difference (I believe). In my church (and probably many others) we have a saying that goes something like this… the Church is true, the Church is God but people are still people and the people are not the Church.
I think God is in us and works through us but we are not God. When we learn the difference is when we humble ourselves enough to let God do his work through us and we realize that God wants all the good things in life for us. Another thing our church really embraces is family. God first, family second (nearly equal really) turn to your family but as a family turn to God. Your awesome and you deserve a break. Here’s you bib brother….
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I hope you can enjoy time with your beautiful kids and beautiful wife that we have heard so much about.. you seem to truly be a wonderful loving family… at least you figured out that NOW is the time for a break.. everyone needs a break.. you can’t do all the fixin of things yourself.. everyone needs a helping hand.. you have been missed though!!! I LOVE your posts… best of luck!
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Hi Ryan,
I am a reader who came from PW’s site. I am not a churchgoer, but I have always been impressed by your maturity and insights. I do not know your whole story, but it looks like you did not have an easy upbringing.
You are a great husband and father. You have accomplished so much more than many men your age. You are doing the right thing by taking some time off, and you will come out better for it.
You will get through this. You have a beautiful family and in my mind, they come first. I believe that God would want that for you as well. I am more spiritual than religious, but I know that the only God I could worship is a God that wants the best for all of us and does not judge us. You project this in everything you do and say and you are trying to make the world a better place.
Relax. Smell the flowers. Sit under the stars with a cigar and a glass of wine. Focus on what you need. Take deep breaths. It will get better. I have been through some similar stuff and it is hard not to beat yourself up or expect too much from yourself. You are young, resourceful and resilient. This, too, will pass.
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I should say – I’m convinced forgiving laughter is 85% of the part of the iceberg we see with a clear mind and solid boundaries the bulk of what we don’t see -
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Godspeed, Pastor Ryan. Amen and amen to your journey. More of us should heed your advice.
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You say in your post that this is what non-church goer probably expects. Wrong, what we expect is people to NEVER admit that they are tired, that going to church does not fulfill every need, that they get weary listening to problems and trying to help solve them all the time. I will tell you this post makes me closer to realizing that there may be a place out there for me. A church with people who care about me and not just because I go to their church. A place that, with God, will love me even when I am grumpy and tired and don’t feel like going in on a sunday. Thank you for your honesty and your very apparent love of people of all types.
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What a great thing that your pastor recognized this and is understanding about you taking some time off! Enjoy it! Cook lots, take lots of pictures of that beautiful family and just have FUN!!
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What you’re feeling is absolutely real. I’m so glad that it is being recognized. Step back, breath, pray. Good luck!
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Thanks for putting words to the things so many of us feel! Enjoy your breather and thanks for sharing!
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Good to see you back Ryan – as always, I really enjoy your honesty and take on religion. You definitely haven’t lost me as a reader. Even if you take another 90 days off, I’ll still be reading when you’re ready to come back.
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Just wanted to offer prayers and support.
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Pastor Ryan…..take a break…LOVE on your Allison and kids. Our Pastor Mark is taking 5 weeks off to be with his family this summer [Mars Hill in Seattle]
Love your blog….Keep your eyes on JESUS! You are awesome. You are the reason we sponsor a child in Kenya. It has been such an amazing journey.
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I’ve started reading your blog a few months ago, thanks to the pioneer woman. I truly enjoy reading what you have to say.
Just wanted to let you know………I’m still here. You haven’t lost me. God bless you and your family.
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Here’s a reader you haven’t lost… in fact, I admire you more for your transparency. I watched my father’s joy taken from him over twenty years ago as he struggled to pastor a church that was falling apart at the seams. Not only did it affect him, but it wounded me as well, leaving me with bitter and confused feelings about the family of God – something he would have never allowed to happen if he had seen it coming before it was too late. Take your time… enjoy and protect your family… and don’t wait until it’s too late. As you already know, God’s love is about pure joy. And it’s hard to deliver the message if you aren’t on the receiving end anymore!!! Many prayers for you and your precious family!
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Thank you for taking the time to update us. And thank you for being authentic and transparent. Qualities of an awesome pastor.
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Brother Ryan–Take a deep breath and do something today that you enjoy. Richard Foster says in his book, Celebration of Discipline, “In contemporary society our Adversary majors in three things: noise, hurry and crowds. If he can keep us engaged in “muchness: and “manyness,” he will rest satisfied.”Psychiatrist C.G. Jung once remarked, “Hurry is not of the Devil, it is the Devil.” My prayer is for you to rest and enjoy who you are, what you enjoy, and, as Tim says, cheat the Church for awhile.
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Ryan,
Thanks for your honesty and your pastor in seeing that you were crispy! I was in ministry for 14 years so I know what you are going through, and it happens sooo easily. You have to guard your relationship with God a much as you guard your marriage. Take some rest, be with Him, recharge.
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I have missed reading your blog, hope it continues to bring joy to you.
P.S. How is your dog?
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Dude, eveyone needs a vacation. It’s quite alright to kick back, cook some supper and chill with the fam-fam.
That is where God is, in the family. I think so, anyway.
It is where I’m loved the most, and I know that God loves me, so God is loving me thru my family…my kids, my husband, my mom…perfect ‘mediums’ to recharge and regain a person’s balance and sense of perspective thru the most powerful thing in the universe.
Just focus on the small stuff. Vacations are the opportunity to disconnect from ones responsibilies for 14 days, so you can be the best you can be on the remaining 351 days.
It’s OK to sleep in sometimes.
It’s OK to chop celery and watch some infomercials.
It’s OK to hang at the park with the chitlins.
It’s OK to fool around with the camera.
It’s OK to take your wife to a movie (if that’s your thing).
It’s OK to make some over due phone calls to friends and family.
It’s OK to step away for a while. It is impossible to be all things to all people.
Also, I’m sorry your joy has been taken from you. Not one bit fun.
It’s in the small stuff though, I think that is where you’lll find most of it.
Good luck.
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dont beat yourself up. give yourself time. we all need to pull back from various times and do some emotional housecleaning.
be kind and rewind!
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It’s funny a friend told me to read your blog today, because the pastor of our church is doing the same thing, resting. We have just started a series on it. I don’t think people understand how draining it can be, your job is a 24hr position. Doesn’t mean you love God or the congregation any less. It’s healthy to say ‘no’ and realize you sometimes need a break and need to focus on yourself too.
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Ryan, I have been following you for some time and felt something wasn’t right for you–it was good to read this post. Your self-acknowledgement is an inspiration to me and the fact you were able to take these steps is an indication you will succeed in reconstructing and re-ordering your personal and spiritual lives. I wish you and yours peace and will stay tuned…we are all in this journey together…stay surrounded by positive energy and support.
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Ryan,
It has taken me years to figure out that we were not called to run a million miles an hour … gotta go go go all the time if you are truly serving Christ. Wrong. For so long I tried to be the one to make things continue to run smoothly in an incredible opportunity that God gave me. I thought I had to be the one to shuffle in balls that I felt were being dropped, and add them to everything else I was already juggling. What an incredibly inflated sense of self and ego i had! God has literally stripped all the distractions from me piece by piece so that I could slow down enough to see that I was totally taking my family for granted. I was assuming they were getting the teachings of Christ from others, when what they needed was to be hearing those instructions from me. It happened so fast, I didn’t even know that’s what I was doing. I am a work in progress and God is still revealing this area to me. What I have learned so far, and I’m going to flub saying this, is that we were a family of four Christians that was living our Christianity almost like a “culture” – it was “what we did”, rather than living our FAITH as a RELATIONSHIP WITH CHRIST THAT WE TAKE TIME TO GROW IN AND ACTIVELY PURSUE EVERY DAY. I’m wondering if this is maybe along the lines of what you are working through too. Our family is a work in progress in changing our habits. Take this time to recharge, treasure every minute. There’s a reason why His is the “still, small voice.” If you’re too busy, you can’t even take the time to listen, let alone hear what He wants you to know. I’ll be praying for you.
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Ryan thank you so much for being so honest…. I can so relate to the way that you are feeling and you brought clarity to me and my situation today. Thank you! I will be praying for you… Please continue blogging and being yourself! God loves you so much and so do your readers!
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Well, I know the pastoral profession is prone to various degrees of depression. Ryan, just take care of you. You need to refill your own cup again, before you can share it with anyone else. Take care – big giant hugs and prayers for you!
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Dude- balance is so hard. Moderation in all things- its a lesson I have to learn over and over again. Glad you are taking a deep breath and giving yourself some mental space. I have missed seeing your posts come up on my reader
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I “stumbled” on you from my cousin’s blog, looks like you dind’t “loose” anyone, if anything you gained perspective as well as more followers. God bless you and keep you, and good luck with your journey!!
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Kudos to your pastor for recognizing the signs, we tend to forget that our pastors need pastoring, too.
I say keep Psalm 46:10 top of mind, enjoy the respite and get back in the kitchen, you’ll feel ever so much better.
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Ryan – I visit your blog every day. Before I click on that link to your blog, I say a quick prayer. It is a prayer of thanksgiving for what I’m about to see, it is a prayer of blessing for you and the family for the time you invest in posting, and it is a prayer for all those who read your blog (intentionally or happenstancely-is that a word?). Our God is an amazing God. He will restore that joy. You are loved and prayed for by people you have not met, but whom you have impacted by your faithfulness. Rest brother, rest. Remember “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven” Ecc 3:1.
Numbers 6
24 “The LORD bless you
and keep you;
25 the LORD make his face shine upon you
and be gracious to you;
26 the LORD turn his face toward you
and give you peace.”
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Just wanted to write you a note of encouragement. I am praying that these next two weeks will give you the rest and restoration that you need.
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I’ve always thought of “burnout” as work related, but I can relate to your current situation on a more personal level. This, I must admit, is a small revelation.
I do not go to church (though, if I was closer, I’d give yours a try). I do recognize God’s influence in my life, I simply treat it as a more personal interaction
What I am remiss in is leaning more on that interaction….thus the revelation noted above. I have a personal situation/relationship that I’m simply burned out on. I think it’s time to reassess.
Amazing, eh? Even your personal trials can be beneficial to others…but then, I find you inspiring in many ways which is why I read.
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Your honesty and soul bearing is what led me here in the first place.
This post saddened me to know of your stress and burnout.
Honest to ‘God’, Ryan!
You are only human after all.
If it takes two weeks, months or even years, you will always have a fan in me, pulling for you and your sweet family to find the happiness you so well deserve.
Shut the door on the crap left on your door step.
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I’ve been burnt out for 5 years, and have yet to go back. I love the Lord…but am weary of ‘church.’ Thanks for sharing your heart.
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Please check out http://www.lifestream.org and listen to the God Journey Podcast. After being so burned out on church, this has brought me back to loving the LORD. Please, please take a moment to load the podcast.
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I’m glad your pastor recognized the signs you were emitting Ryan. I’ve been where you are a couple or few times. Praise God you are taking time to feel the “Flickers of a heartbeat” again.
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Be still and know that I am God – Psalm 46:10
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Ryan,
I started reading your blog simply because I like Pioneer Woman, and Pioneer Woman likes you. I stuck around because my husband and I are Christians and love the transparency of punk pastors like yourself.
We’ve been where you are to some extent. Take the break you’ve been given to evaluate what God’s purpose is for the ministry opportunities He’s given you.
Ministry is not your sole purpose in life. God is. And He asks you to be available for Him to use. He wants you to take your hurting friends to His open arms, not to take their weight on yourself only to struggle with it and refuse to give it to Him.
Thank you for your transparency! We all need each other!
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jennibell says:
July 21st, 2010 at 10:16 pm
@LC, AMEN!!!! Post that on your bathroom mirror Ryan. . .”He asks you to be available for Him to use. He wants you to take your hurting friends to His open arms, not to take their weight on yourself only to struggle with it and refuse to give it to Him”. We’ve all been there…it’s the man God made you to be. Because of Jesus we DON’T have to do it all!!! God doesn’t need our HELP, He needs our FAITH. You are loved, and He wants you to know that!!!
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Kudos to your pastor for reconizing the signs, we tend to forget our pastors need pastoring. We also forget its good, actually necessary, sometimes to just be still (Psalm 46:10). Enjoy the respite, enjoy your family and enjoy getting back in the kitchen…you’ll feel ever so much better for it.
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Ryan-your blog is one of the few I read on a regular basis. I’m always able to find comfort and encouragement in your words, photos (even your recipes!) While I was dissappointed when your blog went silent-as I’m sure others were-I had a feeling something was going on in your life you needed to take care of. Take care of yourself and your relationship with God and I’m sure everything will fall back into place in no time. You’re in my prayers. I will continue to enjoy your blog when you can post again. Thanks for everything!
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i have so been there done that, and didn’t even get a t-shirt for my efforts. the very weird thing about burnout is that it sneaks up on you. one day you’re fine and the next day you’re DONE. just D.O.N.E. i get it, guy.
go play…whatever way you want that brings you joy. tickle your kids, have a date with your wife, don’t read your email or text, and SLEEP.
let us know how it goes…
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while I have never met you and your family, I can honestly say how much I adore all of you!
be well my virtual friend…
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Ryan, I’m so glad you are on your way to better days. Thank you for being human.
We’ve missed you.
Blessings!
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As a person who not only left the church I left the faith all together, I like your honesty. I’ve been reading for a while, I thought something might be up and I can only feel respect for your ability to recognize it and and take action.
I don’t know why anyone would stop reading just because you need a little time off. We all need a little time off from our daily lives at times. It’s because we care and give it our all that it begins to over take us.
Time to take a little breather and there is absolutely noting wrong with that.
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I’m proud of you for taking steps to recognize, and find the path back to where you want to be. I, too, have been on this journey. It is worth every step you take. My prayers are with you.
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You’re so right. There’s a time and a season for everything- sometimes we can be in perfect balance, sometimes one part of our lives needs more than the others. “We’re all juggling balls, all the time. The trick is to know which are glass and which are rubber, so you know which you can drop for now and pick up again later.”
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Thanks for sharing, even when it’s hard. We’ll be here when you return, hopefully refreshed and renewed.
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I am reminded of Michael Card’s song “Basin and Towel” as learning to give/receive in community and when in proper balance it is the “impoverished power that sets the soul free”. May you find that soon again!
My prayer for you…
Dear Lord,
Please give Ryan the rest and peace he needs to restore his spirit and joy. Give him quiet retreat and distance from others so that he can hear your voice. And bring him those in the community to “wash his feet” and may he receive fully the gift of their servant’s heart. And after a time of rest and reflection, may he find again the joy in community.
Amen.
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jennibell says:
July 21st, 2010 at 10:18 pm
@Marla K., Amen.
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The submission of one’s will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God’s altar. The many other things we ‘give’ … are actually the things He has already given or loaned to us.” Elder Neal A. Maxwell
If you are human, burnt out will happen. It is as true as living and breathing. While not my religion, have not learned a greater Truth this week. Do what you need to do,come back when you are ready…
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Makes perfect sense to this blog reader. Been there. Hope you find the refreshment for your soul you are seeking.
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Completely understand friend…20+ years in ministry to teenagers at the local church. Love your transparency. Appreciate it. Needed to hear someone else feels the same way my sweet husband does. Praying that the Lord is very present to you. Seek him with all your heart Pastor.
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Funny how all that hard work actually can get in the way of our relationship with God…. It can get hard to stop and listen for God’s whispers to us.
I’m praying for you
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Oh Father, thank You for creating Ryan, with the many gifts You’ve given him. Give him encouragement, strength and rest in this time, that he might be renewed in his vigor to serve You with all those gifts (including cooking, photography, etc). Refresh his spirit and his family. Bless Allison and the kids, and allow their time together to be sweet right now. Thank You for his honesty and transparency…Heal him from the inside out, Lord. In the mighty name of Jesus.
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jennibell says:
July 21st, 2010 at 10:19 pm
@Angie, Amen.
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Hi Ryan,
I, too, came over to your site a while back from PW. I haven’t ever commented but am always excited to check your blog. I have found myself becoming reacquainted with Christ in the last year and have plunged myself into a fit of research about Theology. I’ve been trying to figure out if I can get back on board and if I do what exactly that will look like (Emergent has been on my mind). Anyway, a few days ago I looked down at the 6 books that I have going right now and just felt totally drained. I think that in all my searching I have gotten even more disconnected from God. It is like I have had my face buried in books for so long that when I look up I realize that I can’t see God at all anymore! Anyway, blah blah blah, I just wanted to say that reading this post really helped me realize that maybe I am a little burned out myself and that this feeling isn’t necessarily a realization that I think all this religion stuff is absurd after all. Thanks so much.
I bet you didn’t realize how much ‘dropping out’ of serving people would end up serving people, huh?
God speed to rejuvenation,
Marnie
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hey ryan, not sure if you read all these comments, but just want you to know that as a pastor’s kid, i have seen this my whole life. now as an adult, i think it is sometimes even harder to see my dad and mom struggle through their work in the church and see how the church does fail and is not always supportive of those who give so much to her. i don’t really have words of wisdom, but just want to encourage you to remember God’s goodness and his love for you and for the church. you have been blessed/cursed with a calling to love and serve his church. it’s an awesome responsibility. but never forget his deep personal love for you. hope things start to look better for you and your family. i enjoy your blog!
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This is exactly what I needed to hear. Especially the part about wondering WHY we do this to ourselves as Christians. I’ve been struggling for weeks with confessing a big giant lie to my friends and family, and a lot of the time I keep thinking, “Why do I do this? It’d be so easy NOT to be a Christian, to never feel the weight of it all.”
I hope you find the peace and restoration you seek. And I’m glad you were honest about how you are right now.
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No love lost here.
Kudos for the honesty!
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It’s OK! Remember, Jesus went off to pray by himself in the midst of the craziness all the time.
“Be still and know that I am God
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10
You aren’t doing all the work….be still.
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You’re not a bad person for feeling that way. The only person who I believe can serve endlessly without burning out is Jesus Christ himself. Take time for yourself and for your family. Let yourself be served and spiritually fed for a little while. It’s ok. Try not to feel guilty.
I’ll agree with some other readers – you have been missed. I pray that God refreshes you and relieves you of some stress and burdens.
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Just remember that in the end of it all.. we are only humans and can only do what we can do. And God knows and understands our limits. Follow your heart ‘cuz that’s just God tellin’ you what to do… and sounds to me like he’s tellin’ you to sit back and enjoy those blessings he’s already given you… and those babies don’t stay small forever
God will truly understand 
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Sometimes when the house is full, you have to empty it out. You are right, I can’t relate. I don’t do what you do, nor could I. But I am good at sharing slightly inappropriate metaphors in an attempt to make you feel better.
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/us/2010/07/20/sotvo.il.hoarder.death.cnn?hpt=T2
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Holly says:
July 22nd, 2010 at 9:25 am
@Christa, OMG! I am going to clean my basement out today!
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Hi Ryan – I like your site, your humor and your cooking. Although I come from a completely different spiritual place than you do…I recognize something here. You see, I do not believe in “Man Made, Man Interpreted Religion”. Do I believe in God? Yes. Do I believe in Jesus? Absolutely! Just not in the form of ramblings from a church pastor, priest, whatever. I also believe the church can benefit many people…it is just not for me. So, in writing this comment, I guess I am saying, hang in there….you will know what to do when the time comes, and you will know what is right for you. Blessings, Ina
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ryan, from the bottom of my heart i wish you all the best and that you’ll soon find your pulse again! i know the place you’re in (with regards to the empathy and also the stance of burnout is for others, not for me) and it’s not a good place – take good care of yourself
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Even Jesus took time in the desert to get away from it all and reconnect with God. You are listening to him….which is the right thing to do. Once, during a guided spiritual meditation, I hear God tell me: “Be patient, and wait.” It has proven to be the basis for everything in my life. God bless you, Ryan, and don’t put a time limit on yourself. Let your heart tell you when it’s time to go back, or in another direction.
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<3
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Thank you for being honest. This is why I am a lurker
You keep it real and I appreciate that.
Take care of yourself.
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I totally get what you’re saying/feeling! I so appreciate your honesty and wish that more Christians would be more “real.” Thanks!
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Authenticity. Good. Boundaries. Good. Outrageous self care in service of being better able to be in service to others. Extra-specially good. BRAVO!
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Is it strange that I know exactly how you feel, and we don’t even share the same religion? I belong to a Buddhist organization and I’m at that point, as well. Your post hit home. Thanks for your honesty.
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It sucks so much to love God but can’t stand church. I really can’t put to words the rest of what I’m feeling, but the book “So you don’t want to go to church anymore” Saved me from guilt over leaving the church.
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Good luck to you, Ryan.
I was forced by my doctor to take time off from work last year for the same reasons. It’s tougher for you because your job involves your own relationship with God, whereas most of us can seperate the two. Your ministry shouldn’t come between you and the Lord; when it does, ya gotta step back and take stock.
Take care of yourself and God will take care of the rest. Really.
Screw anyone who can’t/doesn’t/won’t understand. This is your blog, your life and your pain.
You are not alone, even if it feels that way; i promise.
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I know what ya mean, and honestly, I found so many negative things about going to church that I finally gave up on going. I have God in my heart, my home, and my life. I had a hard time finding God in church. When the church is obsessed with stripping you of your own identity, making you believe in things you know not to be true, the collection of $, and taking you away from family time because “the church is your family now”, that’s when I have to ask myself, “Is this what God really wants?” If I remember correctly, even Jesus was not so pleased with the ways of churches in his time.
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You know, I remembered you writing about your new role in the church and have noticed you haven’t been blogging all that much. I am happy that you are taking some time to breathe again. My husband and I have said we feel the same way lately…burnt out. We’re also going to take some time off soon. Ryan, good luck! I hope you enjoy stopping and smelling those roses.
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I don’t think you’re whining.
I truly do understand, and the only time I’ve been on the alter was to deliver my mom’s eulogy.
I’m a high school English teacher, and I have found myself so caught up in being a teacher that I wasn’t teaching anymore, that the part of me that made me different from all the others was so ephemeral that I could not grasp it.
Take your time. You’re a smart guy, a good guy, and you will find your way again.
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Well you know what I said when you told me you were taking a break, good you need a break. You will come out of this with new vision and clarity and amazing things will continue to happen. This will be good.
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I pray that you come back to your first love. Christ and him crucified.
Blessings to you, Ryan. It will all come around again, and thank God you have a pastor that keeps a good watch out for you.
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It won’t always be this way!
Don’t give up!
So many do.
Who knows.
The breakthrough could be right around the corner.
Keep your eyes on Jesus!
Fear not means, do it afraid!
I’m prayin’ for you.
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Thanks for being open enough to share. I’ll be praying for you and praying that you find a way to get your spark back.
I’m a work flat-out until I literally crash from the burnout type myself. And it’s tough learning to build in the space in my life for ME. It feels selfish and it’s hard (if not impossible) to tune out the needs of everyone else. I think us Empaths have a particularly hard time with it – your joy is my joy, your sorrow is my devastation, too.
BUT I’m learning. I’m finding the things I need to schedule in for ME to keep ME sane and centered. Because if I’m going to help others carry their burdens or celebrate their joys, *I* need to be centered and ready to receive. Best of luck. Let us know how it goes.
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Been there. As the wife of a church staff member and long time church member….been there.
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I still adore you and your self-professed humanity makes you all the more admirable. Hugs from afar, Ryan. You will figure things out. Sometimes I do my best relating to God listening to my favorite spiritual music with Microsoft Word open and waiting for me.
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Yeah. I am married to a pastor and the fight against burn-out and cynicism is constant and on-going. My husband is one of the most humble and honest men I know though and I’m hearing that honesty here.
Blessings to you and your wife.
As I was reading I thought of the book that I am doing with a small group ‘The Good and Beautiful God’ – the best way I can describe it is that it is a restful book – just a suggestion for your time off.
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Compassion fatigue.
It is dark and it is real.
Hoping you find your light again to shine.
Long time reader. Take care of you.
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Been there top, and I’m in ministry.
Been there so often the t-shirt is ragged from being resewn and dyed.
Thank you for keeping it real.
Glad you’re writing,
Glad you’re taking time off,
Glad you’re being honest.
God won’t let you go.
and neither will we!
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uhhh, sorry, make that “been there TOO” in the previous comment.
long night, sticky keyboard, wayward fingers…
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I think #12 said it best. It’s about being a caregiver, Ryan. It takes practice to know how much to give, how much to hold back, and when to say ‘enough’. Part of it is your youth and enthusiasm….part of it is your giving heart. So just relax, guy! We have an awesome Father…and he doesn’t want or need you to be burned to a crisp. Enjoy the rest. Embrace the opportunity to just BE….Bless you.
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Pastor Chris Hodges was at my church a few weeks ago and said something that really hit me where I was with work. He said “burnout doesn’t happen from doing too much, it comes from doing too much that doesn’t matter.” Glad your pastor recognized it and you are taking time off to get rid of what doesn’t matter.
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I know exactly where you are. My hubby and I were there during the fall. Ours was a situation where our department (audio/visual) was led to grow… the church was on board (at least, the ones we spoke with) but the Pastor wasn’t. Rather than talk to us about it, our project was stopped/paused/sat dead in the water and no one even bothered to call and tell us about it. We felt like we’d given so much… to have it yanked in a heartbeat without a word was hard, to say the least.
We will continue to pray for you, your family, and your church. There is something great in you that will resurface… take the time off and get that heart beat back. We’ve missed you!
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Funny how that happens, isn’t it? It is such a balancing act sometimes….life. I think that you are wise to realize that you need to take a break. Take a deep breath. I think that the Lord has much in store for you….and he needs you breathing.
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*hugs*
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of others.
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I was wondering how things were with you too. You’ve had a busy busy last year. Take a breath and relax. Please find your joy as I miss you and you help even when you think you are not.
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I’m not a pastor. I don’t even believe in god and churches, and churchmen. But I lived what you’re living. Because, I used to help people a lot, listening them, talking to them, taking their pain on my shoulders. And in september 2009, it happened : burnout. As you, I used to tought that it was always happening to others, never to myself. I was strong enough to support all the tragedies people aroud me were living.
But at a moment, you body, your soul saus stop. You have to take care of you.
I realised à this time, that only my family was important, ready to help me. And even in my family, some were less ready than others …
Think about yourself, ryan. take care of yourself, protect yourself.
Now, almost 1 year after the burnout, I can keep on listening and helping peolple again. But the break is still in my heart. the ggod thing is that it’s helping you to protect you. You will keep on being there for the others. But with enough distance to help them in a good way, protecing yourself … and by the way, your own family !
Courage, ryan. It’s a bad moment to across but you’ll win. Just LISTEN TO YOURSELF ! You’re not as selfish person doing that, believe me !
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Truth…….
Love, Me.
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Hang in there…I hope you find the peace you’re looking for. As the daughter of a minister I think it is an amazing thing that you are honest enough to recognize this “burnout” and do something about it. I grew up with dad who was there for the church all the time. He was always available to help the church people with their problems and burdens. Sadly he had no time left to get to know his children and just “be” with them. I’ve spent a lot of time feeling sad/resentful about this, then feeling guilty for feeling sad/resentful. Ugh! Anyway, take the time you need. I pray that you will find the balance and direction that is right for you. God bless you!
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Praying for you – for Got to give you peace, to relax and rejuvenate you, lift you up and bless you and your family immensely.
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You are REAL, if you lost readers it’s because THEY are not!
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Totally understand. I’m a ministers wife. But regardless of your line of work…we all have one bucket. You keep pouring out of your bucket without refilling it (study, meditation, feeding your soul/taking care of your inner needs) and it comes up bone dry. Then you have nothing to give to anyone, and nothing left for yourself. You do need some time to nourish yourself, and fill up your bucket again. It can happen to anyone, not just ministers. Read Psalms and remember who HE is and let him fill up your bucket.
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Thank you for your honesty. I really enjoy when my pastor is so honest at the pulpit about what he is struggling with and sometimes he lets us know that he just can’t preach that day. Your honesty will help you to get back to where you need to be with God. I just said a prayer for you.
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I’m an avid gardener and there is always something that needs to be done in the garden or something I want to improve in my garden. I have found that every now and then you need to step back and enjoy all the hard work you’ve put into something you enjoy doing or it becomes a chore. There is a lot of meaning to the saying “stop, and smell the roses”. This is so true in every aspect of our life if we are to enjoy our lives. Keep the faith and enjoy your family……..they are your roses.
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First of all, you are not whining. You have been missed….I was wondering what was wrong that you hadn’t been posting. I believe all you have said is true for many things in life…not just church. If you allow any one thing to take over your life you loose touch with things that really matter to you. My best friend’s son was seriously ill this winter and I took it on my myself to ‘heal’ them all as a family that I nearly lost sight of my own family. It’s hard to blink and wake up and say “wait a minute”…though I love my friend and her son, it is not my life and it’s not my son that was ill. It’s hard to remember things like that when you feel so heavy carrying the grief of someone you love. Take care of yourself!
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so good to hear your voice again….
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You aren’t whining. You aren’t asking for pity. You are doing exactly what you should.
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Unfortunately there seems to be more takers than there are givers. Often the takers don’t realize how much they take until the givers have nothing left to give. Have faith, there are many people who have looked around & found themselves in your same situation. Just look at the 137 previous posts. Now is the time to truly rediscover yourself & those willing to help you are the ones that are to be truly cherished. I know it may sound trite but may I suggest journaling? Maybe you’ll get a post or two out of it but don’t do it with that in mind; sometimes having a conversation with that inner voice will answer more questions than you’d think. Good luck from one reader you haven’t lost.
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Axelle french reader says:
July 21st, 2010 at 1:37 pm
I do like your post, Megan. Truly.
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God is talking to you. Take time to listen. Let go.
Let God. Peace be with you.
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Good luck Ryan. Hope you get rested. I’ve so much enjoyed your blog and miss your insightfulness. Don’t be too hard on yourself. I recently read somewhere that none of us have all the gifts we want/need because if we did, we wouldn’t/couldn’t enjoy the gifts of others. So, don’t try to be everything to everyone. I do understand how hard that can be sometimes. Take care.
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Thanks for being transparent. I know it isn’t easy as I have just started sharing my own personal and painful journey.
Many may not understand, but hold tightly to the One who does.
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Dear Ryan, I am sooooo familiar with burnout , as I have reached that bottom also in Nursing, a couple of times, and just when I thought I could take no more my beautiful brother Timmy passes away I am simply just here. broken and confused but holding on to my faith, I know my redeemer lives and I felt his arms around me last night after Tim’s funeral. May he hold you too!!!
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Timing is everything. I was going through my “favorites” getting rid of the ones I no longer felt the need or want of. I came to yours and because I’d stopped reading about a month ago because I wasn’t getting the great feeling reading your blog anymore I was going to *delete* but thought I’d take one more peek just in case you’d turned a corner. You not only turned a corner but you’ve crossed the street and I believe are on your way back to where you belong. I don’t know if you realize how many people you touch when you are being authentic and true to your God and yourself. It’s hard to remember sometimes but a church is made up of an eclectic mix of people – some are good, some are bad, some think they are good but are actually bad and some think they are bad but are actually good. The ones I think you tend to listen to and believe are the ones that are bad but believe are good which has made you, a good person, doubt yourself and think you are bad.
I grew up in a church. In high school I was going to early church service, mid-morning Sunday school/Bible study and teaching late morning junior church. In churh I was the way the elders wanted me to be, in Sunday school I acted the way my peers wanted me to be but with the 4 year olds I could be me, and they totally accepted and loved me and I think I learned more about God and grace and trust and love from them than anything else before or since.
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Ryan:
Been worried not hearing much from you. Thought you lost interest. You have been missed. Take the time you need to heal. We are all with you.
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It doesn’t matter what line of work one does, everyone needs a break at one point or another… good for you in noticing when you needed one to regroup and come back later better than ever! Enjoy your family time!
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We all need a break sometimes. We can’t do God’s work if we are exhausted and burnt out. Thank you for being so transparent. Your words of honesty may just help another person struggling in the same position. And you have been missed. I look forward to hearing more from you once you have taken some time to just be. God Bless.
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Find your joy, make some good food, play with your children, watch a movie with your wife, do not worry about saving the world………Jesus beat you to it. God bless and hang in there.
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I’m so glad you felt you could share your trials with us – there is nothing like somebody so clearly close to God experiencing difficulties to make everybody else realize that it’s a normal part of faith, and there’s nothing wrong with them.
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You’re not alone, and you will heal. I’ve been there. Kudos to you for letting God knock you over the head with this and actually recognizing it as truth. I will be praying for you.
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I remember when you had a mere 200 readers. I loved ya then, and I love ya now. Hang in there brother!
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You haven’t lost this reader. I appreciate and respect your honesty. Now get in the kitchen and cook, that always helps me find some peace. Also, go to a park or forest preserve with your kids and have a picnic and listen to them laugh – there is nothing better for the soul. Blow some bubbles while you are at it!!
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Ryno you’re a bad ass. Get yourself some new tatoos go out and kill some animal for the meat and spend some time with your family. It’s gonna be okay buddy. You are a mighty man of God.
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Two very wise Presbyterian Ministers gave me some great advice, just as I was ordained an Elder and made Moderator of our Christian Formation committee:
1) Do not deprive other people of their opportunity to serve God by not asking for help;
2) It is a sin to think that anything in God’s world will collapse simply because you are not there to manage it. Don’t be God.
Not really sure that’s exactly what is up with you, but sure sounds like it. And yep, I ignored that advice and got crispy too.
I am praying for peace, and you know what? I’d LOVE to see just some great pics of the kids.
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A little something for you, Pastor Ryan:
Dear restless heart, be still; don’t fret and worry so;
God has a thousand ways His love and help to show;
Just trust, and trust, and trust, until His will you know.
Dear restless heart, be still, for peace is God’s own smile,
His love can every wrong and sorrow reconcile;
Just love, and love, and love and calmly wait awhile.
Dear restless heart, be brave; don’t moan and sorrow so.
He has a meaning kind in chilly winds that blow;
Just hope, and hope, and hope, until you braver grow.
Dear restless heart, recline upon His breast this hour,
His grace is strength and life, His love is bloom and flowe;
Just rest, and rest, and rest, within His tender power.
Dear restless heart, be still! Don’t struggle to be free;
God’s life is in your life, from Him you may not flee;
Just pray, and pray, and pray, till you have faith to see.
–Edith Willis Linn, “Streams in the Desert” (A great book to read when one is passing through the depths of life.)
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{{{{HUGGS}}}} Ryan…
I read your blog often but rarely comment
been missing your posts lately but like another reader said, we’ll be here when you get back.
Time to take care of you for a while – find your joy
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I only work at a church, and am not a pastor, but I can send you a hearty AMEN for this post. Thanks for your honesty and transparency! Please forgive the whole “christianese” flavor of my response.
The greatest thing about all of your crispiness, numbness and heartache is that He is right there with you. Praise God for the fact that He never changes! My prayer for you is that God will use this time to recharge your batteries with His love and grace, and that He will show you a new way to love and serve others without the burn.
He made you, and He can help you use your gifting again in the church if He so chooses. Enjoy your beautiful wife, Ava and Finn and rest in His promise to never leave or forsake you! You have been missed around here…
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I grew up in a pastor’s home… so burnout is something i see and understand far more than i wish i did. I watch my parents go and go and go and go and go… until they are friend into a crispity crunch. God Bless you for stopping for a while. For focusing on your family and your own personal relationship with God first. I think the importance of a Sabbath (and I don’t just mean one day a week that isn’t really relaxing) is overlooked so often! You and your family will be in my prayers! I pray these next few weeks will be an amazing time of refreshment for you, between you and the Lord, and between you and your beautiful family. God Bless
Havalah
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[...] Creek Bible reading plan-odd, because on the same day one of my favorite blogs to read talked about burnout. Specifically, the issue/idea of working in the church related burnout. It struck me that the [...]
I understand completely. I commit to pray for you daily.
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Thinking of you, Ryan.
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Thinking of you too. I wish someone like you will come in my life…
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Take care Ryan…look after yourself and your amazing family…in them you will find your peace and refreshment.
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Ryan, I am an elder in my church and at our first session meeting we were reminded to make spending time with and nurturing our own relationship with God the number one priority in our lives. Church business can get in the way big time and can hinder our own growth, but we have to be spending time with the Creator, the God who loves us. Take this time and use it to allow God to work in your life. You are not alone in this.
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AMEN.
Step back breath.
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Your honesty help’s to restore my faith.
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It takes courage to look at the real self. You have done that and realize that only by taking care of your self can you ever help others. Need in others is an all consuming beast if allowed. It helps to know that you need yourself for yourself at times. Rest and renew then decide how you will proceed. From the outside looking in — you approach life with a pure heart……for me that is all that is needed.
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God is god is god is god is god is god is god is god.
And will still be god when you are ready. You must care for you, or cease to be you. God will still be god when you are back.
Have fun; good luck.
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Enjoy your time off – regroup, recharge and come back even stronger. Prayers being sent!
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still praying for you, Ryan.
fall in love all over again
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I can’t believe I am just now reading this blog entry. I’ve been out of town. Ryan, you have every right in the world to be happy. We only have one life to live so live it how you want. No one has the right to judge you. Good luck! I would read your blog regardless.
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We appreciate you so much and everything you do for VWS! The place will be slightly less awesome for the next two weeks but we will survive!
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I grew up for 20 years of my life being a pastor’s kid. I’ve seen first hand the “burn out” . . . that the work became more important than the God that the work was ultimately for. I am astonished, in a good way, for your pastor’s insight and honesty regarding it, really. You’re blessed to have such a pastor!!
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So many others have said it so well.
This was honest, eloquent, and appreciated.
I’ll be praying for you.
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Thanks for your honesty, God is good, all the time.
Hang on to that!
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I do this, although it isn’t church related, it’s my job. While that sounds like it’s miles away from what you’re experiencing, it really isn’t – I’m a librarian at a university and my job is to help people. To be available whenever that student needs help on their paper. Their successes are my successes, and their failures are my own failures. But I’m glad that you and your pastor saw it and are working to fix it. Burnout is terrible (I’ve done it, several times) and it doesn’t do anyone any good.
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still praying for you, Ryan.
fall in love all over again
Numbers 6
24 “The LORD bless you and keep you;
25 the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
26 the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.”
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You are so blessed to have gotten this insight now. Our neighbor is the pastor of a local church and he has been going full bore for so long, he doesn’t know if he’s coming or going. We’re afraid he’ll be going nuts, and soon. If you’re too tired to give that cup of cold water, everyone will die of thirst.
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A wise pastor once told me “Don’t get so caught up in the work of the Lord that you forget the Lord of the work.” It changed my perspective as I continued to pastor and nurture a congregation.
I’ll be praying for you.
Lucy
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Thanks for being so honest. It makes me feel not so alone – difference – I am the pastor’s wife. Sometimes I just don’t see any way to escape. (That word sounds hard.) Sometimes I feel like I lost who I am in God in all this – I know what I need to do but life just doesn’t seem to slow down enough to make myself take the time to do it. Pray I get there will ya! Thanks for taking the time to blog – you touch more than you know.
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Thanks for being so honest. It makes me feel not so alone – difference – I am the pastor’s wife. Sometimes I just don’t see any way to escape. (That word sounds hard.) Sometimes I feel like I lost who I am in God in all this – I know what I need to do but life just doesn’t seem to slow down enough to make myself take the time to do it. Pray I get there will ya! Thanks for taking the time to blog – you touch more than you know.
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as a social worker i can relate to the burnout. i struggled with it a lot when i first started out.
i’m gonna get really honest here – when i’m feeling super burned out, i end up just really jumbled with nasty feelings like guilt (i’m not using my gifts like i should, i shouldn’t feel bad when others feel worse, i should be thankful, etc), resentment (why is it so hard for me? why do such bad things happen to people? why am i the one that has to help?), and disappointment (why don’t people want me to help?, i’m not good enough for this, etc). bad feelings that you aren’t “supposed” to have in a helping profession.
thats when i re-read matthew 6 (6:6 is my favorite part) again and tell it all to God. He renews me.
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I’ve been reading for quite a while now, and I knew something was going on. I could tell. It happened after you got back from Honduras. Thank you for being honest and confronting what is going on, because that is the only way you can begin to move forward. You have been so inspirational to me for a while now, and even sought out a local church and attended a few times for the first time since I was a teenager (I just turned 30). I am sending you love and prayers and just know that there are many here still supporting you, no matter what!
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By the way, as a teacher I can also relate to the burnout. I just lost my job after taking medical leave for major ankle fusion surgery. I devoted my health and everything to my job, then they fired me because of me taking time off for my injury. I feel disheartened and used and I don’t know if I can go back to teaching. I know I’m a good teacher, but it is hard. Just hang in there!
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God bless you…I will pray for you. I know EXACTLY what you mean…have been here a bit myself. Good to know I’m not alone and obviously in good company as much as it’s not fun to be here…my friend I think one of the hardest things about being a Christian is to stop being Martha and start being Mary. It’s a lesson I struggle with daily…good luck! Keep fighting the good fight.
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I’ve been there. Regroup and get back to basics. I bet you’ll be feeling better soon! Keeping you in my prayers.
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Life is a balancing act. Some days you’re on the rope and other days you are in the net. Thank God for the net. N
How long we bounce in the net is up to us.
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Writing about your feelings can help to bring perspective back to your heart! Especially when you have a captive audience reading your words. Have fun with your precious family and cooking in your kitchen. Take the time you need for you without regret!
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Hang in there, I have never been the one with profound life changing advice but I do understand. I have worked in a not for profit emergency room for 14 years and understand burnout. Having to be there for people in some of the worst moments of their lives can suck the life out of you. Especially when you don’t feel that you get any of that “back”. I imagine that is even harder when you are ministering to people and them needing you to be their rock. You are doing the right thing by focusing on YOUR relationship with God and your family. I often have guilt at work for not feeling like I am caring for my patients emotionally 100%. I have to know that it is OK to want to care for yourself and family so you can care and give what you need to others. Cause frankly it gets hard when you are being cursed out by the fourth drunk patient of the night cause he doesn’t really want the large gash in his head fixed, he just wants to get back to his beer. Sorry for the random comment:)
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Ryan – I am still praying for you
fall in love all over again
Numbers 6
24 “The LORD bless you and keep you;
25 the LORD make his face shine upon you and be gracious to you;
26 the LORD turn his face toward you and give you peace.”
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We are fall short in our worldly living and we are sinners of all kinds just basking in The Lord’s perfection and love, he forgives us……… sherry
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PTL!!!! you said what it is. So many leaders just plow on and kill anything in the way. We have gone thru burn out as well. I love helping people its my passion. But i have to take time for myself. I still feel like i’m not back where i need to be. But with God’s help all things are possiable. God doesnt give up on you, just because you need a rest. Take all the time you need. Enjoy your family more than anything.
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I’m a complete stranger to you (‘tho I’m your Sister… in Jesus). I just wanted to say that I completely comprehend your words & feelings. I could have written them myself if I were more eloquent. I came across Philippians 3:7-10 the other day and it really solidified my conviction that my focus needs to ALWAYS be on knowing Christ. I pray you enjoy your time off and that the enemy won’t distract you from knowing HIM.
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Been there, done that – okay – truth? Still doing that, dear brother!
I so get this on so many levels it’s hard – no, impossible – to explain.
Praying, pal.
Trusting God for restoration.
Listening to The Chronicles of Narnia (Radio Family Theatre dramatized version – amazing!) and wondering anew what it would be like to be breathed on by Aslan…
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You’ve not this reader…may God bless you, renew you, and lift you up on eagle’s wings, brother!
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I’m sorry you’re going through this…but I think we’re all able to get there. My husband and I are dealing with some pretty stinky stuff at church right now. But we just keep on praying that God will help us to trust in Him and keep on serving instead of getting bitter. I’m glad you’re not bitter. I’ll say a prayer for you (and your fam) right now.
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I’ll start by saying that I’m not one of those “Stop whining” people and I’ll probably be reading your blog for some time to come. So you’ll only lose 2,999 readers right?
More churches really need to address burn-out since it is typically ignored. I’ve grown up with the understanding that church workers are all too often overworked and under-appreciated, but I wish more people would see this too.
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It’s so easy to fall into this – and I’m so glad someone recognized it and helped make space for you to find your center, your balance, in God. Know that I’m praying for you, your family, and the work God is doing in and through you!
One of the important realizations I’ve had is that God is going to do God’s work – with us or in spite of us. It takes a little pressure off of me, anyway, and reminds me who is in charge and that it’s ok for me to rest, to be quiet, to let someone and Someone care for me, especially when I feel called to care for others. I’m a strong advocate for pastoral care – not pastors caring for others but others caring for pastors. You’re not super-human and it’s hard that the church often elevates called leaders to that status.
I’m glad you have some time to take care of you! I know God is holding you gently in the palm of his hand – and he’s not clumsy.
Blessings and God’s richest peace to you!
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I am the wife of a pastor. Have been for all of 2 weeks now.
Your post & the course that you’re taking are a good warning to me as I pray for my husband, our ministry, our marriage… Because, to be honest, I feel as you felt: burnout happens to lots of people, but I don’t foresee it happening to us. But heck, life & ministry are not an easy ride, and who am I to think we are exempt? I appreciate your transparency because it’s reminded me to lean sooo heavily on God, dumping pride & naivete, begging for grace, & entrusting my husband (& his sanity!) to Him. Thank you, and I will be praying for you and your family every time I read your blog.
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Good stuff man typing about it always helps too and help others as well.
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we definitely need to replenish our spirit…praying for you Pastor Ryan
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Ryan,
Maria suggested that I read your blog after the day I have had! She was so right!!!!
I’ve been where you are. I might even be there right now.
You are a true blessing to all of us that know you! Take time to relax, breathe, enjoy your beautiful family and I believe that God will fill you back up! I guess that is something I should try myself! Go figure!!!!! We can only run so hard and so long before we have to stop and breathe!
Take care of yourself! Lots of love and prayers coming your way!
Kelly
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Hi Ryan,
I’ve never read your blog before. I clicked on a link on Pioneer Woman and then saw this posting, and it resonated with me, not because I’m burned out, but because you were honest with yourself and your readers. None of us are perfect, are we? I find that I have doubts about the direction of my life, doubts about how I’m acting, and how I’m reacting, about my attitude (or lack of it maybe). It is when I focus on those doubts that I lose sight of the bigger picture, of whats really important. I just wanted to say I empathise with you and I really hope you get a sense of renewal in your spirit. If you’ve acknowledged the feelings then you are most of the way there already.
God bless you and keep you x
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Hi Ryan,
You don’t know me, I don’t really know you, I’ve only read your blog a few times. I haven’t looked at it in months, but for some reason I popped over here today and read your post about the struggle that you’re going through.
I just wanted to say, God bless you.
God bless you for what you’ve given to other people.
God bless you for your servant’s heart.
God bless you for your passion.
God bless you for your transparency and willingness to be open.
I’m sorry for this valley that you’re going through right now, but God will see you through it.
Praying for you and yours,
- Jen
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This happened to my husband over 15 years ago and because no one recognized it, he went on and destroyed his life, his (now ex) wife’s life and the live of his best friend when he ran of with the BF’s wife. His own spiritual well being was never an issue because he was too focused on taking care of everyone else. Now, he’s back in ministry and living his life for the Lord and filling himself up first before going out and doing God’s work.
Your relationship with God must ALWAYS come first before before you can put into others. May He bless you and heal you every day.
)
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Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have been there. Heck, I still AM there. It so refreshing to hear someone else acknowledge it.
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Good for you. I firmly believe that God would ask that you take care of you first…it will open your heart to the rest. Just breathe….
I’m on the same exact journey…it’s amazing what you hear when you when you allow silence into your life.
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i got you. last year i had to step down from leadership of a 20/30s ministry that i co-founded for all of your reasons. the choice was awful. the process was painful. and the following three months had a whole lot of me saying no–to my pastor, associate pastor, worship pastor, women’s ministry leader, church board…it was the first time where i had to admit i couldn’t do it all. and it was the hardest thing to have to re-define who i was in the church…no longer could i be the-one-you-can-always-count-on. no longer could i be the-one-who-will-lead-even-though-we-know-she’s-exhausted. no longer could i be the go-to congregant. all my education (phd), ministry experience, and way with people couldn’t sustain me anymore and i had to take a deep breath and keep from rolling my eyes every time i walked in the church doors.
and it was the best decision God ever asked me to make. because of the space created in my heart, mind, soul, and strength, i could actually learn to love Him again–rather than feeling like He was always asking for more. and i realized it was i who was always asking myself for more–rooted in the desire to prove myself worthy. and beyond all that, it freed me to write–my primary gifting–and it freed me to laugh, and love, and enjoy church and its people again. six months later, i distributed a 19-week bible study for my church that followed my pastor’s sermon series–something i never would have been able to do had i still been spread so thin and been so down.
and this october, we’re doing another one. it is still hard to say no, but what i have learned–while sitting on my hands and biting my lips together to keep from volunteering–is that if i fill a hole God didn’t design for me to fill, not only will i burn out more quicklly, i will be stealing someone else’s opportunity to fill a hole they were created to fill. seeing it through those eyes changed alot.
it is still hard to say no. it is still hard to hear prayer requests and pray for people without carrying their weight. and it is a reminder every time that i have to trust God is bigger–and that the command to “work as unto the Lord” is proclaimed in the scriptures by the same God who created the Sabbath. sometimes “as unto the Lord” means saying no and resting instead.
take courage. keep breathing. and soon, the Spirit-led life will feel more like Him and less like boulders on your shoulders.
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