Coming back to work has been interesting over the past few days. I’m finding that I am interested in the things we have going on more than I have been in the last several months. One of the cool things is that we’ve just started a new series called “Belonging” which has to do with people having a place where they are truly welcome. To accompany each weekend teaching, we’ve been creating videos of people who are in small groups at Vineyard Westside…we call them life groups.
Here are the first two videos that my friend Josh put together:
(nice freeze frame face on this one)
I’m wondering what you’re experiences are with small groups…good? Bad? Life-changing? Unimpressive? Does the idea of belonging to a group like this interest you or frighten you? Does it seem helpful or does it seem ridiculous?
What I know is that we are a church of more than 600 people and we only have 3 of us that are on staff full time to serve people. The rest is up to volunteers. Much of the serving, shepherding, discipleship, and overall ministry goes on in our life groups. Each of the group leaders has the difficult task of being a “pastor” of their group. Sometimes this works well, and sometimes not so much.
What, if any, experience do you have with a group such as this?
We have a woman’s group at my church. Right now we are studying The Relationship Principles of Jesus Christ. Very good. I really like the group for the most part. It gets frustrating when folks have a lot of head knowledge but it hasn’t gone to their heart. I tend to avoid folks like this because I’m trying to learn to operate out of the spirit rather than the flesh. These folks bring out the flesh in me so it’s best for me to keep my mouth shut. Other than that, I have learned so much in just a year and will continue to attend.
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I love small groups (or bible study groups, cell groups, growth groups, home groups, weekly home church…..or whatever other names are used by churches around the world). They serve a great purpose, but can easily be done wrong. My husband is the executive director for small groups at our church……and small groups have been a passion of ours for a while.
My personal experiences in a small group have been positive and life changing. In my groups over the years, there has been laughter and tears, learning and growth, attempts to hide from God and decisions to grow closer to God.
There are definitely healthy life cycles to groups. I’ve been in groups that went too long and we no longer functioned in a way that honored God. I’ve also been in groups where people weren’t free to share what God was doing in their lives. I’m thankful that I have also been fortunate to experience groups where there was learning and growth and sharing and where the group adjourned before things went sour and then saw God place us all in new groups where new people were introduced to our lives for His greater good.
Kudos to any and all small group leader/facilitators our there. It’s a tough job…..but rewarding as well.
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My first small group fizzled before it even started. A second attempt several months later ended up with 6 single women with me as the leader. Within a few weeks, 2 dropped out and the 4 of us continued to meet. It was awesome. We opened the group up a year later and had 12 at one point but the only regulars were those original 4. We’re all still good friends, though 3/4 have married and the one single woman is feeling like an outcast since the rest of us have husbands.
One woman from that original group started going to another church with her new husband and sadly we had to encourage her to attend a house group at her new church. The other 3 of us joined a small group that had marrieds and singles but the one single woman decided it was too many married people for her and left.
I was with that new small group for over a year and then my now husband started attending. He didn’t like two of the men in the group because I like to regularly debate with them. He said they were too closed minded (we were debating eternal salvation) and he encouraged me to join him at another small group. Sadly I agreed and we stopped going to the one I really liked. (And the rest of them felt rejected and probably wouldn’t have us back if we asked.)
So we ended up leading a 12 week study with a new small group but then half the people dropped out by the end and we ended up with a couple of people who didn’t get along with each other – but oddly enough kept coming back. We had to move to another night which didn’t work and it died. We’re still friends with most of the people who attended, but we can’t seem to find a night we can all get together again.
We’re now in the process of helping a church plant and feel like the twice-monthly meetings for prayer & worship are our new small group. Hopefully this one will last a bit longer.
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My experiences with small groups have been uninspiring. I was in a women’s “Bible study” group that ended up being a women’s issues support group of no theological depth (and no Bible reading). When I tried to go back to the Bible study I had been attending at that church, I was rejected because there was a women’s group. I’ve been in groups that became so clique-y or off-track that they no longer served their purpose (in one of those now, not sure if I should make a break or not). However, I’m also involved in a Bible study that is full of people who love God, the Bible and one another and who really want to learn. It is wonderful. I think small groups can be great, as long as the rules/goals/etc are very specific and the group has a good leader who is able to stay on track and inspire others to grow.
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Well, I think it is hard to verbalize my experience. The good – an incredible Bible Study of women from every facet of life and every scale. That experience changed me and I ACHE to have it back – would rather that than win a powerball lotto. Seriously, it was that life changing great.
The interaction with an actual group from a church has left me traumitized and I don’t ever have wallflower days. I am more anxious and afraid to attend a church than be a single parent of four kids and a trial litigation attorney who loves Jesus (even pretty evangelical – lawyers “love” that) and votes democratic (Jesus people “love” that). If that doesn’t tell you that, on the whole, I don’t blink first, then I don’t know what does. BUT, invite me to church or get me to go back -yeah, I sweat, puke, want to cry and completely loose it. I pray about it constantly because I want my children in HIS house. Right now, I have everyone in private religious school so that they get the church experience and haven’t totally noticed Mommy’s jacked up phobia. But, I know the question is coming and I will have to medicate up and go to the WAR – I thought the battle was us against evil. Apparently, it is us, Christians, against us – a lot.
Thanks for letting me get this out. I have to do it. I need to do it. But, for the love of all that is good and right, I can’t today.
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Small groups are really great. They are a way to meet or get to know better people that you may not normally hang out with. I am single and 33 and in a group with older couples – all in their 70s! Some new members joined (probably in their late 40s) and joined our group and it was good fro them to meet new people and good for us to get to know who they were. Our small group cooks food for the sick or those that have recently lost loved ones and we send out cards of encouragement and also lift one another up when we fellowship. It’s really great.
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I have been a Christian long enough that i have pretty well done most of everything. I personally like small groups although i have been in some stinkers too. At their best they can provide a real sense of “belonging” and some wonderful support. At their worst they can be a waste of time and cause hard feelings. I am at a church right now where i dont “fit” any of the groups and wish there was something for me.
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Are you sure you really wanted to open this can of worms? Sorry, I’m a little cynical, having been burnt one too many times. I long for that group, regardless of size, that is real. I’m so tired of the phonies and the clicks. I’ve tried, I promise, I have tried, but I’ve never fit in and it breaks my heart, but I’ve given up on the entire concept.
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Funny you should mention this now, 2 years ago I attended a small group, with my arms crossed and walls built… last winter, I left my small group of two years to try and branch out, to meet new people… I miss my old group terribly, it seemed the longer I was away from my group the more spiritly empty I became… Not only am I going back, but it is at risk of dismantle, to I am preparing to lead the class. It had given me a sense of belonging that I have never known before.
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First of all, got to say that I love your blog and your posts, whether thought provoking or just fun! I’ve had different experiences with this kind of thing. In the UK what you seem to refer to as Life Groups are called cell groups or home groups. In my old church (I moved towns) I was part of a home group and it made such a difference to getting to know people in the church and feeling like part of the church family. Different people went through some tough times in the four or so years I was part of the group, but I think those tough times drew us together as a group as we would pray for each other. My current church seems to emphasise home groups less, but I am part of a group of twenties and thirties that meet together to pray and fellowship. I enjoy that and getting to know people in the same/similar situation to my own has been great, but I do miss the cross-age group of my old home group and different ages and sets of experience can bring different things to a group. Overall, though, I think the idea of small groups, especially in big churches, is brilliant.
Hope you settle back into things quickly and that the refreshment of your time off continues for a long time to come. Thanks again for the great blog.
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I have had a mixed bag. I don’t really have a need for small groups, but do enjoy getting to know people in my church as we are a large congregation. I have had some great experiences with groups, and currently the group I am in is a little *meh*. it’s all good.
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I’ve lived all over the States and the world, worshipping at churches of a variety of denominations, and attending some sort of small group Bible Study or home group or something is just a requirement in my life. I’ve found it to be utterly necessary for a full, meaningful, functioning life as a believer and human.
Now that I’m in a Vineyard up here in Columbus, I’ve seen a lot of dysfunctional groups and people who have been burned by them. I’ve mostly been in good ones here, though, although while I was home-group-hopping upon originally moving here, trying to find where I fit in, I sat in on some truly frustrating ones, so I get where people are unhappy with the experience. I met my husband at a homegroup here (finally! they worked! Yay Jesus!) and now we lead a group and it rock seriously hard!
I worry, though, about the people at our church who just won’t try them out. Our church sees about 300 or so adults on a Sunday, and I know those who aren’t in a small group feel less connected and lonely. I just don’t know how to help them get connected with US! We’d love to have them … I just ache for them and any loneliness they’re feeling. Every person I introduce myself to or pray for at ministry time is either already in a group or can’t meet on our night. It’s frustrating. I don’t know how to find the people we need to find.
Feeling like you don’t belong sucks. It’s not true.
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THANKS FOR THE FREEZE FRAME GUYS!!!!!! lol, but seriously, thanks for doing this, it was fun and watching it just made me feel even closer to all of them. It would have been nice if everyone would have been able to attend that night but i guess we will do, ha! Josh i cant believe you used my corny mentos commercial thingy, ima gonna getcha!!
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I had a hard time finding a small group in my church where I felt like I fit in. It’s not that the groups I attended weren’t welcoming. I just never felt like I truly clicked or connected with the groups I tried. Being single just compounded the problem. As it turned out, it was the church as a whole that wasn’t a fit, but it would take me years to realize this.
I also had issues with getting bad advice. My church, until about 20 years ago, had preached a “name-it-and-claim-it” gospel. Although the church’s leadership had made a definitive break from those teachings, there was still a strong undercurrent of that philosophy running through the church, especially among group leaders. I had a few people tell me that if I had enough faith, or prayed a certain way or stepped out in faith or whatever, God would give me a husband/ my dream job/ my own home, etc. It really messed me up for a while. It also has made me reluctant to trust volunteer leaders.
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I’m a very private person, so I haven’t enjoyed being in small groups because it has always ended up that those in the group do a lot of sharing of personal info, feelings, etc. and I find that bordering on just good old snoopy-in-the-guise-of-the-Lord kind of stuff. I’d much rather share with my handful of near and dear friends than some group from church. However, that said, I understand why a large church absolutely needs small groups. Which is why I’m not big on having such gigantic congregations. Two or three on staff for 600? That doesn’t make any sense! Those few people are bound to get burned-out often with a ratio like that. Why not break off and make two or three churches from the 600? Or hire more staff? Just a thought. I’m glad you’re back, Ryan. I missed your posts.
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TheDan says:
August 9th, 2010 at 12:20 am
@Lynn, I can answer that question for you, not enough money. I’m positive they would hire more staff if it was at all possible. It’s tough but they do a good job.
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I was involved in a small group that I LOVED for over a year. We were all very close and kept each other accountable! Then our church decided to do a new small groups program and the leaders needed to attend the training. They decided to do the training during the time that the groups had been meeting, and suspend them for a year. During that year 3 marriages in our very small church fell apart -including one from our group! One of the couple had two affairs. I am convinced that the affairs would not have happened if we were still meeting and being accountable to each other. I think that the small group fellowship is TERRIBLY important and should be cultivated at every turn!
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My husband and I are small group leaders, and our group has been going through a real dry spell. It feels like we’re missing real connections with one another, although our church is doing some really amazing teaching that is resonating with each of us individually. We’ve been meeting for about four years. We want to get back to the place where we were fired up for service and really connected to one another’s lives.
Like other folks who’ve posted in this thread, we can trace our “malaise” to a six week break our church took from small groups last summer so we could have some focused leader training. To be honest, I appreciated the opportunity to be fed for a while but the break really dealt a blow to our group that we haven’t recovered from yet. Add to that a new job in January that is proving to be spiritually challenging, and I’m feeling a restlessness of spirit just DO SOMETHING – we’re “lukewarm” and I hate it.
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I’m not sure that real ‘community’ or feeling part of a church family can happen with a large group. It was a lot easier when our church had 40 people to connect, I find it impossible now that it is 900 people. We cannot expect our Pastors to minister to all of us individually, so we need to minister to one another. This is where I see the importance of small groups- to encourage, fellowship, teach, pray for, lift up and love one another.
I do love and appreciate our Pastors especially when they share God’s inspired words but I also have come to believe that smaller Jesus led groups are as important.
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We attend a very large church (10K). There are several services on Friday evenings and Sundays. We usually see a few folks that we know at each service that we go to. We know our senior pastor and he knows us. But without our ‘home group’ of around 10 families, give or take a few, it would be very difficult, impossible to feel connected. Our church leadership works hard to get anyone and everyone into a home group that is ‘right’ for them. We tried a couple before we found ours.
We meet every week during the school year and then have casual get-togethers during the summer. Now that summer is almost over, I am looking forward to fall and our weekly times – we’ve been together for 3 years now – we fellowship with each other, pray for each other, study the Word. We really are family. We feel really blessed and enriched with the relationships we have formed within our small group. It works very well for us!
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I generally enjoy small groups. In our church they suspend for the summer though, and I definitely notice a difference.
That being said, I don’t really get the sense of “belonging” in my small group. Some of it has to do with me (I am overweight, and notice I block people off – thinking I will make friends “when I lose weight” whenever that will be), but part of it is the overall atmosphere. I’m not sure if it’s the right place for me, even after 1.5 years.
I also attend a really large church. I LOVE the teaching, we have an amazing teaching staff, however it is SO HARD to meet people. I’m not good with the small talk, so it’s especially hard for me.
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I’m a Catholic school teacher, so my small group consists of 35 women charged with educating 350 students both academically and spiritually. With this many women, things can get a little tense, but it is in times of hardship and struggle that we see the bonds that connect us. We are a very powerful group of women when we come together in prayer, and in doing what is best for our students. I’m privileged to be a part of this group.
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Have been in several small groups over the years, but am not in one now b/c the last two just weren’t a good fit for my husband and me, even though we were seemingly all similar–parents with young children. In may favorite group of all time, there was a mix of aged and life experiences. LOVED IT. The birthing of new groups caused us to spin off, and the next group just didn’t jive. There in is the tricky part, and I don’t know how you know it’ll work or not. And for us it wasn’t a matter of liking the other people, the conversation just didn’t flow. And if you quit a group, it doesn’t seem right that you jump right in to another one–so as not to be offensive. So, groups can be an awesome experience. But finding one that is a good fit is key.
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Small groups are HARD because we are broken people. I love small groups when it is just women, but couple’s small groups don’t work for us because my husband and I are in SUCH different places with our faith. I know that good ones exist – I have friends who are in them – but so far the ones I have been in during my married life (15 years) have been surface and lacked real depth and consequently, growth. I tried to go deeper in one group that we were in, hoping to set and example and start a trend, but all I got was fixing. I don’t want to be fixed – especially by people who apparently don’t have any problems based on their sharing in group.
I do belong to Celebrate Recovery and while that is gender specific, they do small groups right. We have specific guidelines and expectations for our groups and it is really wonderful.
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I joined a small group last October. We meet once a week for an hour and just share what has meant the most to us in the previous week, and what we wish we could have done better. It doesn’t sound like much, but has truly changed my life. It makes me think throughout the week about my actions because I will have to report on Thursday afternoon.
Thanks for the videos, and if some of the readers aren’t part of a small “faith group” they should really consider either starting one or joining one. It makes a difference! Thanks for the blog post!
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We’ve been in small groups for about 8 years now. There have been a few that have been more like a “duty” than anything else. There have also been some that have definitely been life changing. The groups that are the best are when everyone involved lets their guards down and is REAL with others. To admit their faults and let others see the true person. We come together and help each other out when they need it. Wheather it’s helping a struggling family with bills or bringing a meal to a family that just had a baby. The Bible teaches us how important it is to be in relationship with other believers. Just going to church doesn’t really fill the bill IMO. It takes real one on one realationships and small groups are a great way to do that. =)
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My lifegroups are my family. When I started attending the church, I was scared and lost. When I decided to meet a few people in a thing called small groups, I was surprised to find out these people welcome me with open arms. They let me be who I was and grow at my own pace. They always challenged me to search for my answers and stretch me. My first lifegroup lasted over 3 years. We decided that it was time to spread our wings and grow. Today, I am blessed to facilitate one lifegroup and belong to another two. My lifegroup friends are my family and people I can truly trust. Thank God for the blessings these people have brought to my life.
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Our church started – in the 1940′s – out of a “Home Bible Fellowship” with a handful of couples. It’s still the foundation of our fellowship (www.cmbc.org) – and honestly – how else can you stay connected if there are a couple of thousand people around you? My husband and I have been part of a “small group” that has been through about a bazillion changes over the years. At it’s largest – there were 12 couples – today – there are three couples. We’ve been meeting with variations of this group for 15 years now – since before our now 13 year old son was born! We’ve been through birth, death, pain, divorce, reconciliation, rebellion, adultery, fraud, confession, forgiveness, illness, bed-rest, healing – pretty much EVERYTHING – together. We’ve laughed and cried. We’ve diapered each other’s babies. We’ve attended each other’s children’s high school graduations. We’ve passed the Kleenex when we’ve sent our kids off to college.
This group of brothers and sisters has blessed us in ways that are literally impossible to convey. God has been in our midst in ways that we had no way of knowing to expect or ask for.
We’ve been through so much. I – personally – don’t know if I could have made it through some of the stuff I’ve been through – my Mom’s dementia and eventual death, my brother being charged with and eventually confessing to kidnapping, rape, murder, my child’s diagnosis with an orthopedic disease, my own illness, etc… – without these friends faithfil commitment to prayer and just being the hands of feet of Jesus to me and my family.
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I’ve had a lot of different small group experiences.
Growing up, my parents were part of a small group at our church that completely changed their view of Christian community. They LOVED it. We ended up moving from that town, and they’ve missed their group every since. They tried to start small groups at the church where my husband and I now serve as ministers (my parents don’t live her anymore, though) but they never really worked. The church was never sold on them, and the groups didn’t truly “share life”.
In college, I was a part of a women’s Bible study group, and it was amazing. There’s just something about digging in and studying the Word with other people…and then sharing our joys and tough times and victories and failures. I didn’t miss Tuesday night small group for anything.
I also had a really unique opportunity to live in community with 13 other people for 9 months at a leadership training program. We truly LIVED LIFE TOGETHER. We had a girls house and a guys house and we took every class together. We also went on trips, shared some meals, worked out together every morning, and had Bible study together. There’s nothing like it. I am still SO close to my friends from that program, and I miss them literally every day. But every time any of us meet back up (we’re all over the country and one of us is in South America now), it’s like we never left. These are the friendships that have truly stayed strong over the years. I don’t know what I’d do without them. They know me–faults and all–and they love me anyway. It’s a beautiful thing. I honestly don’t know where I’d be without those people and without our community.
My husband and I are praying that the next church God leads us to has small groups. We know how important they are, and while we have some great friendships here, there’s nothing like doing life together in a small group.
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Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.
I haven’t been in a small-group since youth group, which i love, loved. Of course, i have yet to even find the church that i want to join. If i ever find the right congregation, I would be interested in small-group cause it offers that oppurtunity for a more intimate community. The right group of people and the right leader could really help me in my worshipful journey; the wrong mix would drive me away. I think it would be worth the risk.
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I “grew up” in a small group/home fellowship, etc. My church of 2500 started in a living room with 12 people. Small groups create the intimacy necessary for growth.
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My church isn’t big, there are probably 200-250 people in attendance on Christmas, if everyone and their cousins show up. Anyway, I began going to a small group (called “AD” – modeled after the early church in Acts – eating, fellowshipping, worshiping, learning together) about 5 years ago. It’s lead by on of the couples in church. We begin with a potluck dinner that’s usually themed and then move into a study followed by prayer requests and prayer. It’s difficult to describe just how amazing this group is. We’ve been through so much over the years. Some of us have lost parents, jobs, or love. We’ve gone to New Orleans twice to help rebuild houses after the flood. We help out with the community meal once a month at church. This group has had about 12-15 members in its existence. We’ve seen some people go and new people join. There’s no better way to describe us than “family.” We serve together, pray together, and have a great time together. I don’t know where I’d be if not for my small group.
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Ryan – Jesus had a small group – 12 disciples. Look what they did….
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As a mom of young kids, I’ve found “life groups” – groups meeting outside of the church and childcare there – difficult. Namely, childcare is difficult. We attempted for 6 months and we tried many things to no avail. So for us we ended up back at the church on Wednesday nights in a class with other people while our kids are in their own classes, and it’s worked very well for us to have at least some semblance of community in this season of life.
However, this is slightly off topic, but one of the pastors of my church wrote a book called “Making Room for Life” (by Randy Frazee), which basically says that if we’d work and do all the chores between 6 am and 6 pm, then make time for family and neighbors from 6-10 pm, then we’d have much more of a “community” in our lives. While I was kind of skeptical at first, he’s now preached thru the book at church and we’ve adopted some of the ideas, and it’s really a great idea… You can see his sermons (or download the podcasts) here: http://www.oakhillschurchsa.org/LoadMediaPage.do?mode=view
The end idea, also, is that your neighbors are more likely to come to your house than to church. It has encouragement to be outside more, so you can meet the people who live around, etc. It’s also convicted many of the workaholics in our church to prioritize relationships/family more. Even as a young mom, it’s given me a challenge to reach out more, and to stop doing chores in order to spend time with my family in the evenings.
So glad to hear you’re feeling better. I’ve been praying for you, your family, and your ministry.
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Great idea in theory, train wreck in practice. Ok, maybe not for everyone but I was attending a church of approximately 7k in So. California and tried seriously to get plugged into a small group for over a year and it was horrible. I’m good with people, like being around people, like to laugh and have a good time and study the word of God but kept finding socially awkward groups or groups that turned into therapy sessions which in the end really isn’t helpful to anyone. I was in my late 20′s at the time so I tried the 20 something group and they mostly acted like they were still in college with no common sense or real life responsibilities. So I tried the 30 something group, they were all divorced with kids which wasn’t a problem, but the women that were involved with all of the events were caddy, shallow and hard to talk to and if I tried to talk to the men, the women only got worse. Then I tried a different church and their 30 something group and there was one other person that was actually 30 ish, everyone else was 40-50. Somehow, that was probably my best group but it’s hard when you’re literally the age of some of the other member’s children. The church was great, but the people I had the most in common with were all married so I couldn’t be in their small groups and that left me in the singles crowd which can be a little rough in a church to say the least. Especially where they offer a group for any kind of support issue you can come up with but for a woman who grew up in church and has had a relatively normal life with low drama and minimal chaos I’ve never felt so out of place. I think it’s important to get plugged in to a Bible study or small group but have had absolutely no luck with it so hearing the testimonies about people who found their group on their first try is discouraging. Not that I’m giving up on it but I do need a break from all of the disappointments. =0) For what it’s worth, now I’m living closer to family now and about to try to get plugged in to a small group again but still dread the thought of it. I’m convinced this is a season for me and not every one has to go through this kind of disconnect but also wanted to share my two sense on why some people avoid the small group scenario. Good luck!
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This is a subject that has been heavy on my heart lately. When we started out with small groups it went really well. We enjoyed the fellowship and made some great friends. We were asked to lead a group and we did and that is when things went really wrong. One couple that joined the group was very needy and the husband was a bit overpowering and argumentative. We tried hard and sought advice from the church. He did not change too much but his behavior was tolerable and we wanted them to be there to hear God’s word. As time went on, the church unfortunately became divided and the pastor left, not on good terms. Very sad. Our family was caught in the middle. After a while it took it’s tole on us and we decided to step down as leaders and from the group. This one idividual decided that I not we (my husband and I) had no right to do this without his permission. Things spiraled downward. An elder stepped in and tried to calm things down. The husband was to have no contact with me. It was ok for a few months and then he started telling me how I was to live my life and had to get his permission. He was reminded of the no contact and changed churches to the pastor that had left. Peace for a few months and then wham, the bottom fell out and I ended up having to get a restraining order to protect my family and my self. Very scary time. This pastor had encouraged him to contact me. By this time I had been dealing with the ordeal for a year and a half. We really tried to make things right. I have heard it all. I am not a Christian and I was doing everything against the church. Not one person from the church asked what had actually happened to cause us to get the retraining order or if we were ok. We have not been involved in a church since. It has been tough and there are times when I miss the fellowship but it is hard to trust. Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to talk out loud. I have held it in for a very long time.
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