I decided not to read the bible during my two weeks off work. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to…something in me told me that I should, but something else in me told me I was only doing so because I felt like I should. So I didn’t. The only exception was a couple of weeks ago at our small group. We read and discussed Psalm 139 which goes like this:
1 O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
2 You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.
3 You discern my going out and my lying down;
you are familiar with all my ways.
4 Before a word is on my tongue
you know it completely, O LORD.
5 You hem me in—behind and before;
you have laid your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
too lofty for me to attain.
7 Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
8 If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
9 If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
the night will shine like the day,
for darkness is as light to you.
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
16 your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me
were written in your book
before one of them came to be.
17 How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
18 Were I to count them,
they would outnumber the grains of sand.
When I awake,
I am still with you.
19 If only you would slay the wicked, O God!
Away from me, you bloodthirsty men!
20 They speak of you with evil intent;
your adversaries misuse your name.
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD,
and abhor those who rise up against you?
22 I have nothing but hatred for them;
I count them my enemies.
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting.
I’ve underlined a verse that has provided some clarity as well as confusion recently.
We’ll start with the motorcycle.
If there’s a thing that I’ve always wanted…it’s a Harley. I don’t really know why. All I can tell you is that I get the same feeling sitting on a bike like this as I do when riding a horse, or shooting a rifle, or building a fire. A sense of being in control while you’re not really in control at all.
My uncle Jack owns the above Sportster 1200 Custom, and he’s offered to let me borrow it in the past. I decided to take him up on it during my time off. So, I went and got my motorcycle license, borrowed a helmet from a friend, and I’ve ridden more than a thousand miles since I’ve had it. Decent.
This leads me to the Gold Finch.
A beautiful bird if I do say so, but I don’t see them very often…until yesterday. As I rode that motorcycle to a couple of meetings (oh yeah, I’m back to work) and around town, I saw no less than fifteen of these Gold Finches throughout my day. One by one. Not a flock of them. Do Finches travel in flocks? Anyway…by the time I saw the fourth one, I literally said out loud I guess it’s National Gold Finch Day. By the time I saw the tenth one, I literally said out loud Okay, what the hell is going on? My dearest apologies for my tremendous profanity.
As I cruised into the driveway after work, I saw one last Gold Finch sitting right on my mailbox. At the risk of sounding like a cornball, the only thing that came to mind was;
Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
Which leads me to a book that I just can’t stop reading. I had full intentions of jumping into some scripture today…but for some reason God is speaking to me through something else. This:
{click it or ticket}
I just finished reading a story called The best girlfriend you never had and it’s got my brain
all tangled up in a good way. To be honest, the story was horrifically depressing and reminded me far too much of my younger life – but it was a great story.
Which leads me to food.
Over the past couple of months I have been providing food for our church coffeehouse project we call Refuge Coffeebar. Business has been picking up and the amount of food I’ve been making has been doubling, and then doubling, and then doubling again. To be honest, I have no idea how I’ll be able to keep up with it as it grows, but that’s an exciting problem to have.
* Grilled Chicken Caesar Pasta Salad
* Garden Vegetable Pasta Salad
* Roasted Red Pepper Hummus
* Lemon-y Garlicky Hummus
(I knew you were going to ask)
And alls I know right now is that He’s in the food, He’s in the books, He’s in the birds, and He’s on the bike. Good or bad, I can’t run from Him…He’s already everywhere that I’m heading.
this is awesome.
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Ryan says:
August 4th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
@Vickie, You’re awesome Vickie.
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The food looks amazing. Recipes, please!
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Maranda Lamping says:
August 4th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
@Anna,
Yes, recipes please! Preferably before my big family campout next week; I’m dying to make the Grilled Chicken Caesar Pasta Salad!!
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Marleen says:
August 5th, 2010 at 12:41 pm
@Maranda Lamping,
Yes, recipes please…especially for the Grilled Chx Caesar Pasta Salad…sounds YUMMY!
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Angie says:
August 9th, 2010 at 11:57 pm
@Marleen, Me, too! I was coming here specifically to ask
I thought of you as I cooked bacon both on the cast iron and in the oven today and asked my husband for a taste test – he saw no difference. I love how much easier it is in the oven. And thanks to you, I have leftover green onions still growing…
So glad God is encouraging. I love that we don’t have to put on disguises with Him – He knows us better than we know ourselves, and meets our needs! Jehovah Jireh is providing you with that need for assurance! Love it!
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This was just what I needed!!!!! You are an inspiration to me and we live thousands of miles apart!!! I would love to visit your church but I am sure it would be unattainable for me to do so! Thanks for your web site!!!!
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huh… this is amazing! thank you for sharing
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It’s a song I sang as a girl in Catholic church, it still is with me to this day:
You Are Near
Music and Lyric by Dan Schutte S.J.
Chorus.
Yahweh, I know you are near,
standing always at my side.
You guard me from the foe,
and you lead me in ways everlasting.
1.
Lord, you have searched my heart,
and you know when I sit and when I stand.
Your hand is upon me protecting me from death,
keeping me from harm.
2.
Where can I run from Your love?
If I climb to the heavens You are there;
If I fly to the sunrise or sail beyond the sea,
still I’d find You there.
3.
You know my heart and its ways,
you who formed me before I was born
in the secret of darkness before I saw the sun
in my mother’s womb.
4.
Marvelous to me are Your works;
how profound are Your thoughts, my Lord.
Even if I could count them, they number as the stars,
You would still be there.
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Thanks Ryan,
Sounds like life is gettin’ better.
I’m glad.
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Best post in a while.
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Even when I’m so far (or at least I feel so far away) He is always near. Sometimes I wonder why He bothers, but He does. It’s difficult to wrap my mind around. Great blog today.
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Love this post. Love your blog. Love the bike.
Love. Love. Love.
All we need is love. lol.
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God bless you, Ryan. I have read your blog for some time now, and I really enjoy watching you grow as a Christian. You are young, and with youth come mistakes, but with mistakes come opportunities….to learn, grow, find out more about who you are and what God wants from you. God never moves, and as long as you continue to seek Him, you will find more and more pieces that fit together to give you the life that He wants for you. You are inspiring, and I appreciate your openness, honesty and willingness to say it like it is. It is your ability to admit to your shortcomings that give the rest of us hope that we, too, can do better.
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And He is here in this blog! Thanks for sharing – found you via Pioneer Woman some time ago.
“A sense of being in control while you’re not really in control at all.” I feel ya! After having (and being in the midst of), what feels like my 10th quarter-life crisis (can’t even wait till mid-life to start freaking out!), I wonder when I’ll get a clue and stop trying to be in control? Ps 139 has been a constant that has helped me refocus the chaos of my life the last several years… I think I’ll go ponder it again for a moment or two… thanks for the much-needed reminder.
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Thanks, Ryan. I’m going through a tough transitional limbo period right now, and I needed that.
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Hi Ryan, Thank you for the post today. I really needed that. And thanks for posting Psalm 139…its one of my favorites and it really helped me when I was going through a particularly hard time a couple of years ago. Sometimes when you’re stuck in a rut, its right where you need to be. God is awesome. I’m so glad that I found your blog awhile back and I have to agree that this has been one of your best posts in a while. Thank you for sharing.
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I’m sorry to say this b/c I don’t want to come across rudely, but I do not believe that the Lord would ever direct us to not read the bible one day… or two weeks. It is HIS will that we study his word and use it as guidance daily.
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Kelly says:
August 4th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
@C,
Sorry to be, uh, argumentative, but this is, to me, legalistic. NOt to defend Ryan because he doesn’t need me for that, but he didn’t say that God was directing him to *not* read the bible. He merely said that God was speaking to him in other ways, which God is clearly capable of doing, and SHOULD do. If you DON’T hear God speaking in other ways, thru other avenues, then, wow, you’re really missing out. There are a miriad of biblical stories of God speaking – thru burning bushes and rainbows, just to name 2 major ones. And I also think that it’s legalistic crap to think (did you imply this, if not, my apologies) that any “good Christian” must read their bible daily. Yes, it is good to read His word, but he wants us to WANT to read his word, not be like the Pharisees and read it purely out of rote.
As a SAHM of 4, I rarely have time to sit down and read my bible. I should make time, but… well, I don’t. But God speaks to me ALL. THE. TIME. and changes me and molds me, thru song, friends, my kids, listening to someone else speak of their troubles, thru prayer, and sermons… I hardly think that my lack of dedication to daily bible reading makes me less of a Christian. If anything, it forces me to listen more closely, to be in better relationship with him, so that I *do* hear him speaking.
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C says:
August 8th, 2010 at 10:10 pm
@Kelly,
I was not trying to sound legalistic… but God gave us the Bible as a daily guide to direct us, teach us, etc. It is His will for all of us, who are saved, to read His Word daily. Do we HAVE to? No. There are people who cannot read (whether blind, ailments, etc). Does that effect their fellowship? No. But those of us who are able, should read His Word. I too am a stay at home mother and I do agree we are very busy and our job is a FULL TIME job. I also agree that the Lord speaks to us in MANY ways, but signs and wonders were of the Old Testament and that is why the Bible was written, during New Testament times… for us today. Can the Lord still speak to us and to some degree give signs?? OF COURSE!! He can do ANYTHING!! But not reading the Bible would never be His will for a believer’s life if they are physically able. He wants the closest fellowship with us… and He wrote His Word TO US! And please don’t misunderstand me, even when we don’t read the Bible, we do not loose our salvation or security, etc. I am just merely and simply saying, He wants us to read it. He gave it to us. So we should do our best to read it. And I agree whole heartedly, He WANTS us to WANT to read it… reading it for the wrong reason will not do one bit of good. We need to have the desire to.
Please understand what I’m saying… I am not trying to come across as a “good Christian” or condemning.
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Angie says:
August 10th, 2010 at 12:00 am
@C, I know Ryan would agree that daily/often study of God’s Word is important. But I think his experience (especially with the finches) is that God testifies to Himself even in nature and other ways. So even when he’s not seeking Him thru His Word, God is still showing His love/care to him…
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Ryan – you rock…I have had those moments as well! When I see God in everything (because He is!).
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Ryan–
Thank you for your post…very moving. Glad to read that you’re (hopefully?) feeling a little bit more comfortable.
And C, with all due respect, I don’t think that the Bible is the absolute, be all and end all. He can speak to us using different materials. And, for someone like Ryan who spends a lot of time with the Bible, perhaps a different method was needed?
Either way, I’m a questioning, skeptical Christian…so what do I know.
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Great post.
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TheDan says:
August 4th, 2010 at 10:57 pm
@Fran,
Great Comment
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Fran says:
August 5th, 2010 at 9:42 am
@TheDan, Great reply to my comment.
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This post… it made me smile.
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Beautiful Post
May we know that we are never alone…even when that is what we think we desire the most… solitude…void…
We were not created to be able to be alone, he knows that he belongs with us, always…faithfully. But that doesn’t mean that we must go to his house or his book to find him…he is with us where ever we choose to take him.
I like to think that I provide a little variety for him.
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1. Great post.
2. I love feeling God all around me.
3. The first time i saw a goldfinch in the wild i had a raging fever and really thought i was hallucinating. Even since then i get a happy tickle inside when i catch sight of one.
4. The only reason to want a Harley is because it IS a Harley; they are the cool essence of barely restrained power. Nothing else feels like or sounds like a Harley. At the Harley factory and museum in York, PA i was finally able to sit on my all-time favorite bike – the FatBoy. Of course, then my dreams of owning one were totally dashed when we discovered that my feet don’t reach the ground on the FatBoy. sigh…
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COOL!!!
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Oh trust me, your reading the Bible every day. It just isn’t in the sit down, turn the page form. Those who are only able to hear and see His word in written form are missing out. Thanks for sharing.
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I know what you mean.. sometimes there are no words and the only thing you CAN do is pray from your heart what God already knows
Words are not necessarily necessary 
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psalm 139 is my favorite…i’ve just started trying to memorize it.
Just found your blog…love it and looking forward to searching around!
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oHHHH….. I love the way this post ends. (Have you read Franny and Zooey?)
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C.S. Lewis called it “being haunted by the hound of heaven”. Not sure if I have the quote exactly right, but you get my meaning.
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yeah, I like that Psalm too, verse 16, but then I would probably say that to most of them…
great post
and watching birds is one of my most favorite things to do, especially seeing the red-tailed hawks that sit on the telephone poles as I drive to work.
God bless
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He’s already everywhere you’re heading, everywhere you’ve been and everywhere you are. ,)
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I like this thoughtful post. The birds and I are part of your flock, just not sitting next to each other, and I think they got the better seats. And they get to ride the wind too.
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I love that Psalm. this is a song that really ministered to me (and the youth group) on a recent missions trip. I think it is fitting.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XC0WoJfYA2E
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Lydia says:
August 5th, 2010 at 7:39 am
@Lydia,
Actually, this video is more interesting. Same song, but better video. enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74JgXohEcco&feature=related
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Your posts always put me in a good mood for the day. Also love the bike – we are actually thinking of buying a Trike – the new sporty black one Harley makes now. Enjoy the ride Ryan – it might not always be wonderful but in the end it always worth it.
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This blessed my heart today Ryan, and I think it is one of your best posts. From personal experience I know that He is always with us, if we choose to be open to hearing and seeing (and even when we don’t.) Whether it is in The Book, or a book, or the world around us, or in fellowship with others. Always With Us.
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oh and I almost forgot – do you have recipes posted somewhere for those pasta salads & humus?
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As a fellow Harley rider, some of my best thinking & praying happens while riding. It’s a time to focus, see/smell God through His creation surrounding me, and give the glory to Him. Riding is the best mind-clearing activity around. There’s alot of truth in the saying “You never see a Harley parked in front of a psychologist’s office.”
P.S. Can you share the hummus recipes? Hummus is my new favorite food.
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So great to see you posting again!
I LOVE the finch story…I have a similar story only the bird is a hummingbird(s)…gives me goosebumps in a good way! 
ok?
I say cook more and think a lot less…
PLEASE post both pasta salad recipes!
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Thanks Ryan. I needed to hear that today. Not sure what I am going to do with it or how it relates to my life, but something tells me it does and I’ve found comfort in the thought of exploring it further. He DOES work in mysterious ways, no?
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Loved. This. Post.
So happy to hear you sounding revitalized.
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Am refreshed reading your post. I am constantly amazed at how God reaches us — in whatever form/function we NEED to hear/see Him in. He is good!
AND… RECIPES, please! Especially for the Grilled Chicken Caesar Pasta Salad! YUM!
God’s blessing on you!
Love wins!
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Thank you. I’ve been feeling lost lately and your post has reminded me that He’s always there. Even when I skip church, He’s still with me. When I make bad choices, He’s there. When I am overflowing with the love of my children, He’s most definitely there.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Thank you, I need to remember this passage.
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Ryan, you really should read, “The Practice of the Presence of God with Spiritual Maxims” by Brother Lawrence. It helped me get my head on straight about God’s true presence in our lives. For some reason we (humans) have a warped idea of God’s presence. He’s everywhere, we only have to look. You are beginning to see that. I am praying for you.
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As you start to achieve balance, things make sense and you feel better.
God is our net as we walk the tight rope of life…striving for the elusive balance.
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For me it was Ecclesiates and butterflies, but I got the same point – the Spirit is HERE!
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That Psalm has been one of my favorite passages of Scripture for years. I was going through some tough stuff yesterday and God brought one of those verses to my mind. Isn’t it awesome how He speaks through the little things?
PS. I’d love to have the hummus recipes! I’ve become a HUGE hummus fan over the past year or so.
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There you go, speaking to my spirit again. *sigh*
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After a frustrating evening of prayer (I was being a punk, therefore God told me I was being a punk), this made me weep happy tears. Thanks for this lovely blog of yours.
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you and goldfinch; me and bluebirds. I love bluebirds;so when I am out running, walking, biking out the country roads where I live; if I see a bluebird, I tell myself that is God telling me hello, I am still here!! (is that a run on sentence??)
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Beautifully said.
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Funny thing about the gold finches…a few weeks back my mom learned that she had cancer again. As I was dealing with the blow I kept noticing gold finches all around me. I had a feeling that God telling that all would be fine! It is…my mom had the cancer removed and it is so completely gone that she will not have to have chemo or radiation!
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I can’t really explain but: Thanks for bringing that psalm back to my mind!
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Hi Ryan….
I liked this post alot. I’m the one that asked permission to share your waterfall picture.
I had a few posts to catchup on reading, because I’ve been staying with my Dad in hospital, now he’s in Intensive care; but improving! Last 6 months he had been taking chemo, and the last one just beat his body up. We hope to get him off respirator this weekend.
But even in this “hospital land”, yes God is with us.
He continues to give me strength, when I should be exhausted lol. Your blog is a blessing to many, including me. May WE all continue in AWE of our Lord and his goodness.
Thanks, Connie
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I guess they can wait or that was the mother of all.
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