My earliest memory is me running around the house ultra excited and yelling, “I’m going to be in Kindergarten when I’m 4 years old!!”
Clearly nothing fun had happened in my life up to that point. I remember it very vividly though – even to the point of the moment I said it. I was tugging on the curtains and looking up to the ceiling as I shouted with thrill in my little voice. At the time, September birthdays needed a decision on the parents part. We could wait until I was 5, almost 6. Or we could go early, when I was 4, almost 5. School was a few months away when I found out. The thing is…I cannot remember a single thing before that day.
Why was that memory so glaring and not even fuzz appears before it?
Another memory that came soon after that was when I typed the word @$$hole into the “your name here” section of an Atari game. I got busted of course. Whoops!
To my knowledge, nothing even remotely tragic happened to me before that first memory, but I’m not sure if I’d know either way. Something I’ve seen time and time again with us humans a compartmentalization of sorts. That is, that we separate out certain memories or parts of our lives for some reason. With many people, it’s the bad stuff. I believe that God allows us or in some cases even helps us to tuck away certain things that we might not be able to handle. A protection of some kind.
You might see this with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder sufferers who, for whatever reason, can’t recall the details of something awful that happened. It’s strange though.
Why can some people remember things from when they were 1 or 2 years old and some of us have nothing until we’re 4 or 5? I realize we’re all wired differently. For instance I cannot for the life of me remember the year of most events. It amazes me when someone gets that look in their eye, where they’re calculating it all and arrive at the answer, “Oh yeah…that was back in ’93.”
What? You can remember what year that happened even though it was so long ago? Astonishing. I have to memorize dates like my anniversary, and my kids birthdays, because there is no way I can materialize a year when these things took place.
I am completely rambling here.
Not being a fan of tossing the baby with the bathwater – I want the good stuff back. My memory is really, really good when it comes to the last few years of my life. Incredibly good considering how awful my memory is from growing up – but I get those glimpses. It’s not just a fuzzy possibility, it’s a rush of detail when it comes. Lately, I’ve been asking God to give me more of these. I want to remember more of my stories and good things that happened with my mom and dad before they were divorced. I want to grab onto the victories and the life lessons that helped me to be who I am because it’s all part of my story.
And thankfully – He’s been giving me some.
My parents just got divorced less than a year ago, and it’s hard to remember a lot of the good times because the bad ones were so much more recent and glaring. I have to make an honest effort to remember that the memories are there.
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Thank you for coming back.
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I don’t remember most of my entire childhood. I remember odds and ends and basically the weird things. I also do remember some of the bad things but for the most part, I don’t remember. I know why though. I didn’t have the best childhood so I agree with you, it’s God’s way of kinda keeping me safe. I’m thankful for that but it would be nice to remember some of the good things
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Bits & pieces for me…. but you may want to start writing down some good memories… just in case your ‘hard drive’ gets damaged. Journaling is one way to focus, besides blogging.
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This is why we take photos.
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My earliest memory is when I was about 3, meeting the girl next door and thinking she was really grown up because she was in Kindergarten. Strangely enough, my youngest sister was born right around that same time (I was 3 1/2), and I don’t remember that at all.
There must be some reason why memory is such a spotty thing in these brains that we’ve been given
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Pastor Ryan, I am glad that God is being faithful to you to give you exactly what you ask for — even good memories! He is SO faithful.
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Nice to see you continuing to post! I have the same trouble with my memory. Things from long ago are more like faded snap shots in my mind, just mostly moments. Very cool that God is bringing your past back, it’s always so awesome to hear how he answers the prayers of others! Blessings to you and yours.
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Nice.
You reminded me of something Richard Bach wrote: Learning is something you already know.
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Surely you mean the past few years and not the last few.
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I have some of the same problems with my memory. I don’t remember much before my parents were divorced (happened when I was about 5 or 6). I can’t remember what year anything happened either. I have never really thought about praying for God to bring back some of those good early memories, but I think I am going to. I am realizing just how important some of those can be as I try to help my daughters (adopted from Ethiopia a year ago) maintain what memories they have of their birth-family. Thanks for the inspiration.
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ahhh. I started school when I was 4 as well. I wouldn’t be 5 until Sept. 8th. It was good. Until my senior year, when I graduated, and wanted to hit Woodstock w/my friends that summer of 99. My mom said no, because I was still only 17, and all ALL of my friends were 18. They went. It was miserable. for them. As for me? I ended up having the best summer of my life! now I’m going to be 30 this year. I’ve got 2 kids, 4 and 2, (girl and boy) and sometimes I feel like I’m going to lose my marbles. I’m still good though. (and ALL my friends hit 30 before me. yay for being younger than everyone else!)
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I can remember bits from age 2, 3, 4… then it’s mostly a blur. A lot of my teenage years is just gone. I’m amazed when people can recall with great detail things that happened when they were children.
Really, though… I’m commenting to thank you for reminding me of the Ratio book that I read about here. I got a copy for my birthday, and I really am emjoying it. Thanks for messaging a perfect stranger on FB!
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I have a few fuzzy early memories but I feel like my childhood was a blur. I always say I have a horrible memory…it’s kind of sad, really. Perhaps I’ll pray for some childhood memories as well. Thanks, Ryan.
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I have a few fuzzy early memories but I feel like my childhood was a blur. I always say I have a horrible memory…it’s kind of sad, really. Perhaps I’ll pray for some childhood memories as well. Thanks, Ryan.
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I have very few memories from my childhood. Even worse, most of them are ones I would rather forget, as they were the result of growing up with an alcoholic father. One positive thing… Despite all of the bad, I remember knowing from the age of 2-3 that God was always with me and I didn’t have to be afraid.
By contrast, my 10-year-old son remembers everything. I am curious to see if his memory holds up as the years continue to pass by. If it does, I wonder if this is the result of growing up in a loving and stable home as opposed to the chaos of my childhood.
I had never considered praying that I would be able to remember the good, but I think I will. Thanks!
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That is a gorgeous picture. My seventeen year old son recently went to NYC with his school chorus group. He took a camera and didn’t take one single photograh. I tried to tell him that one day he would want pictures of that trip to help him remember what a great experience it was. He thinks I’m crazy. But, the other thing is that I have never been to NYC and I was hoping to look at pictures and see it through his eyes.
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I have the same problem but what happens with me is that if something bad happens memory is lost from that point and behind that. Therefore I have very little memory of lots of things. My mother would say to be “Oh my goodness you dont remember. There are so many memories that I long for.
Then again there are so many that I dont ever want. But hey thats life and my motto is BE STRONG and what does not kill you only makes you stronger.
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I have plenty of memories from my childhood. Trouble is, the bad memories of my parents divorce and the horrible stuff that us kids endured through their crap is what seems to bubble to the top of the memory vacuum every time — wiping out the good memories of our childhood. I’ve noticed that if I look at pictures from my childhood, I remember more.
That’s why I take lots of photos.
Hope your memories keep coming back!
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I remember bits and pieces of my childhood. I did not have a bad childhood by any means, but there are parts I have subconsciously chosen to not remember. My mom has always called it my rose colored memory, my grandmother tried to OD when i was 12 while i was staying with her and still to this day 12 years later I can’t remember a thing about it except that she was gone for a while after that and she is still my most favorite person. Memories are a tricky tricky thing.
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i have scars..two on my face and one on my stomach..the one on my stomach looks like a stab wound the two on my face look like a gash wound..thinking maybe something happened that was tragic and dont remember it? someone help me?
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