*Guy breaks his arm playing hockey
*Guy has to have arm set to heal
*Guy has wonderful reaction to anestesia…

Hat-tip goes to Reddit for this gem.

I’m an Apple user. I don’t think everyone in the world needs Apple products and I won’t try to convince you to to buy overpriced, shiny gadgets. That said, I will tell you why I love this company.

Today, I scheduled an appointment to have my iPhone and AppleTV checked out – both of which were having issues. As I was driving towards Kenwood Mall, where the Apple store is located, I noticed traffic was especially terrible. Things became clear when I saw that the traffic lights near the mall were not working. Eventually, I got into the mall parking lot and I was on my way in for my appointment.

But the mall wasn’t normal. All of the stores to my right were normal, but all of the stores to my left had no electricity. It hit me as strange. Half with power, and half without. The majority of stores without electricity had pulled down their gates and the employees were sitting in a dark space looking confused. That’s when it hit me…dangit…the Apple store is on the left too. They’re not going to be able to help me and I’ve just driven 30 minutes for nothing. I thought I’d better check it out and see if the power would come back on soon.

Then I walked up on this scene…

A store without power, dark and closed, but all of it’s employees outside trying to help people. As I looked around, I noticed more and more Apple employees all over the place. Many of them had taken customers with computer problems to working electrical outlets all over the mall. Just because they couldn’t fix the computer in their store, or sell anything, didn’t mean they weren’t going to help their customers.

I walked to the food court and there were Apple employees everywhere. They had devices plugged in anywhere they could find power, and they were fixing people’s computer/iPad/iPhone problems on the fly. It was impressive. Especially compared to all the other stores who had locked everything up and took the opportunity to NOT help anyone.

Apparently the electricity was out for over two hours. It came back on while I was there. I went back to the Apple store and there was a massive line of angry people. The crowd was eventually calmed by hoards of Apple employees who went person to person to see if they could help with whatever needs right then. A guy came up to me and fixed my phone and another guy’s phone at the exact same time. Then, they took me inside the store, and replaced my AppleTV for free even though their system still wasn’t up and running.

And that is why I love the Apple company.

SuperBowl XLVI will not be one that I forget anytime soon. My memories of this particular night will not be those of Eli Manning or Tom Brady, rather, a different guy named Finn Detzel. He’s the one who always keeps things interesting. My son, the terrorist of my heart.

Some friends invited us out to their house for a SuperBowl party and things were going to be great. It would be nice to get out and go somewhere with our whole family — this particular house was about a half hour away, kind of in the middle of nowheresville. On our way to the party I noticed we were low on gas, but that wasn’t a problem…we would have plenty of time to get gas after the game was over.

Once we were there, things were splendiferous. I unveiled the roasted vegetable flatbreads I’d made earlier. It was a healthy alternative since some of us are trying to drop some poundage. People were talking, kids were playing and running all over the place. Sometimes it’s the most wonderful thing to be at a party that isn’t at your house.

Around halftime, some of the guys headed downstairs into the basement and sat around doing what guys do. That’s when we heard that unmistakable sound. Someone was falling down the steps. I raced across the room and caught Finn just as he bounced off of the floor at the bottom of the stairs. My boy had just kartwheeled end over end down twelve wooden steps.

He screamed, he cried, and then he got over it pretty quickly.

Shortly after that he was running around again. I’d checked him over and he seemed like he was okay. Thank goodness. That boy must be made of rubber I’d thought. But a few minutes later he tired out, sat down on the couch with mom and fell asleep. Five minutes later he projectile vomited all over the place. That’s when we called the doctor. They told us to take him to the emergency room.

We hopped into our van and headed towards a small hospital to have him checked out. On the way, he continued to throw up and that’s when I really started to panic. Could he have actually gotten hurt? He never gets REALLY hurt…just boo boos. He has to be okay. Panic is a funny thing, it can make you quickly forget how low on gas you are and before you know it, your van is sputtering and running out of gas on the side of the highway.

I was able to coast to an exit ramp and just as I came to a stop I told Allison to lock the doors. I sprinted to the closest gas station I could find — well, the second closest gas station, of course the first one would close early. They charged me a ridiculous amount of money for a one gallon gas can, but it didn’t matter. I’ve got to get my boy to the hospital. I filled it to quickly and spilled gas all over myself and the can. Twisted the lid on and I was off sprinting again back to the van. My lungs burned and I was freezing. I’d taken my shirt off and put it on my little buddy since he’d puked all over his own clothes. I hadn’t run like that since my motorcycle accident more than a year ago.

Reaching the van I was sure everything would come together. I emptied the gallon of gas and was ready to take off to the emergency room. But the van would not start. I don’t know if it was just too low on fuel or what happened, but despite my greatest efforts…it wouldn’t go. I punched the hood. I cursed the situation. I wanted to lift the van and flip it on it’s side.

We needed to be rescued and thankfully my wife’s sister and her husband were able to come to our aid. They brought more gas and we got the van started. They took Allison and the other kids home and Finn and I were finally off to the hospital. I reeked of gasoline and I looked insane as we arrived at a small hospital that I’d never been to. I carried my boy inside and we were able to walk him directly to a hospital bed. He was still vomiting profusely. They hooked him up to different machines, asked me why I smelled like gas, asked me if I’d hit him, and poked and prodded.

After about an hour of testing, I thought they were going to give me some good news and let us go home. Instead, they told me they were afraid he might have a skull fracture and they were putting us in an ambulance to take us to Children’s Hospital where he could receive better care. I paced and cried as they loaded him onto a stretcher and put him into that ambulance. I wasn’t allowed to ride in the back with him and angrily rode shotgun to the next hospital.

On arrival, they asked me if I was a mechanic due to the gasoline smell, and again questioned if I had hit him. He was hooked up to other machines and continued to throw up. He cried as doctors tested different things and I cried watching…trying to be strong and comfort him. They put him into a CAT scan machine and I had to hold his arms down and head still at the same time.

Thankfully, he didn’t have a skull fracture, just what they determined to be a “major concussion”. We kept an eye on him for a few hours and they prescribed an anti-nausea medication. After giving me a list of things to watch for, they let us go in the middle of the night. A nurse told me that the Giants had won the SuperBowl. Allison came to pick us up since our van was still in the parking lot at the other hospital. She had to get her cousin to come over and stay with our other two kids since they were well asleep by that point.

Finn threw up around 15-20 times that night and finally got some sleep. The next day he was sluggish and fell back to sleep for the longest nap of his life. When he woke up, he was fine. Back to normal. Ready for dinner. And he’s been fine ever since.

This kid is going to kill me.