We suck at golf...
...and you know what? It's a lot more fun than being good at something.
"The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing." - Phyllis Diller
"It took me seventeen years to get 3,000 hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." - Hank Aaron
"Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose." - Winston Churchill
"If I had cleared the trees and drove the green, it would have been a great shot." - Sam Snead
"Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if you're not good at them." - Kevin Costner
This one is for...
This one is for Andrea, because Harrison is one sweet little dude.
This one is for Allison, because Ava is one strange little kook.
This one is for the people who miss Ryan and Carrie while they are in Vancouver.
This one is for Melanie, because she has one sexy man.
This one is for me, because Jonah reminds me of good times in my childhood.
This one is for freedom, because Gert escaped Germany just before the wall was built.
This one is for the world, because the world needs some Dan today.
This one is for friends, because it just wouldn't be the same without them.
This one is for Matt, because he thought this photo looked like a movie scene.
This one is for candidness, because being ourselves will always be the greatest.
This one is for whatever chewed up Saul the other day, because this dog will ride once again.
This one is for me, because it's my blog and I can have two. Me likey.
That Stupid Gun...
My friend asked me if I had a gun at the house and I told him, "No sir I sure don't." He insisted that I must have one on the premises. I told him that I wasn't sure and I didn't have the cashola to buy one. He reached into his kitchen drawer, you know, the one where the utensils are supposed to be, and pulled out a Smith and Wesson .357 revolver. He placed it in my hands and said, "There you go, now you can't say you don't have a gun in the house."
I looked at him with what I'm sure appeared to be an excited gander. I told him that I couldn't accept it and he shoved it back in my hands saying, "Don't worry, I ain't givin' it to you. Just keep it while you need it and I'll get it back later." This is known in my world as a forced-borrow. Please don't ever force me to borrow anything...something bad will happen.
Bear with me as I try to explain. I pulled into the driveway with my newly acquired, borrowed .357 on the seat next to me. As I got close to the house I noticed someone's car parked by the garage...a church lady's car. I needed to get this gun into the house and into a safe place. I didn't want to walk in holding it and have to explain to everyone why I had this monster. Immediately a faint little flicker of an idea crossed my tiny mind.She hugged me. She gave me a really strange look. She chuckled and she left. I just know she felt that gun in my pants and thought I was happy to see her. CRAP!! I hate this stupid gun already!
About 3 weeks ago I got a call from my friend asking for the gun back. I only see this guy once or twice a year and I was pretty surprised he actually wanted it back. I'd forgotten about it...I figured he would have too. So it took me until today to remember to bring it back to him. I went into the safe to get it and it had transformed into a rusty piece of worthlessness since last time I saw it. I panicked a little bit because I told him I would be bringing it by today. It was in horrible shape. You couldn't even get the spinny-thing that holds the bullets to open.
I did not want to deliver this thing to my friend. What was he going to do? Ugh...isn't that one of the worst feelings? So anyway I thought about it and my friend has always been a super gracious person and I've never imagine him hating me over this. So I dragged myself over to his house and I showed him the bad news. He looked at the rusted revolver as if his favorite puppy got hit by a car. I took the blame for the whole thing and tried to apologize as profusely as possible. All he said was, "Oh wow, that's really a shame. Man, that's a shame."
I stayed with him for about an hour or so and we made small talk, but I don't think he wanted to talk to me at all. I felt terrible and I kept hoping for him to let me off the hook, but he never did. On my way out I told him that I was really sorry for what happened to the gun and he didn't say a word. I said that he needs to let me know how I can make it up to him or if I can buy him a new gun and he just kinda sat there and nodded. It was like I broke his little heart or something.
Now I feel like crap and I'm pretty sure he hates my stinking guts. I hate when there's no resolve. I hate that stupid gun. I never wanted it in the first place and it caused nothing but trouble from the beginning.
Have I mentioned that I don't like borrowing stuff from people?
File Under Randomness...
That girl is wearing socks with Fonzie on them.
* I'm speaking at Vineyard Westside again this coming Sunday.
* I'm reading a book called Traveling Mercies by Anne Lamott. It's informal and magnificent.
* Nathan, Eric, and I went to White Castle on Sunday night against our own advice. We spent yesterday text messaging different ways the mini-burgers had ravaged our bodies.
* I would kill for my own Espresso machine right now. And a decent coffee grinder.
* 8 of us ransacked a couple of rooms in my house last night. We transferred a ton of stuff into my attic upstairs to get started on creating an apartment on the side of my house. We also had beef tenderloin and ice cream...it was a good night.
* Siamese Racing is pretty flipping sweet.
* You should add your vote to the poll on the left of your screen...yeah, right there at the top.
About Giving Relationally...
...here's a video we made starring our friend Johanna. This video will play during the Sunday Gatherings at Vineyard Westside tomorrow. If you're seeing it today, it's almost like you are viewing the future. Almost.
A Beautiful Collision...
I'm still feeling crappy, but I've decided to think of more positive things to protect myself from an onslaught of whinyness.
It's cold. It's raining outside. I'm sick. It's Monday. Our pet's heads are falling off!! One might begin to wonder how anyone could be in a good mood under these circumstances. It may surprise you to find out that I've got a remedy for this day. It may not work for you since you aren't me though, but I'll share mine with you.
* Step 1 - Coffee
Now if I were at home this step would be pretty easy. I'm not at home though. I'm at the hobby store. The hobby store coffee is super double nasty. There's no cream or sugar to put in it and it's a physical impossibility for me to consume this tripe plain.
Solution = Chocolate Mints! Toss about 8 or 9 of those little puppies in there and you've hit gold!!
* Step 2 - Recall high-point of the weekend.
This step was also not easy because I had a great weekend. We hosted soirees and partied like it was 2007. We went to hear live music provided by angsty teenagers. We went out to eat and our food was paid for. We even got to hang out with lots of friends. Overall, it was an excellent couple of days. Thinking back though, only one event stands out that truly brings a snicker to my belly and a schoolboy grin to my face.
I'm actually quite surprised that neither of them fell down on the ground. I feel blessed by God to have been given the opportunity to see such an amazing sight with my own eyes. The guy was a total jerk about it and I don't think I've ever seen Johanna so embarrassed. She ran to her car trying to save some face, but we were all rolling on the ground laughing.
David Crowder sings a song called beautiful collision. I know what his song is about, but from this point forward the phrase beautiful collision will have a different meaning for me. If you happen to see Jo somewhere make sure you either ask her if she's hockey-checked anyone recently or just start singing beautiful collision and walk away. It'll be our little secret.
