I'm sore right now. Some arrows have been shot my direction this week and I've once again proven to myself that I am unable to do this by my own strength. Sheer willpower alone cannot allow me to ignore or shrug off direct attacks on my character. I realize these are normal, and that anyone in ministry for any period of time will tell me they're to be expected...but it doesn't make this sting go away.

Some of the arrows were warranted...and I'm taking a hard look at them. I'm making promises to myself to examine who I am and the things I'm for...it's tough, but it's worth it.

I guess sometimes I'm just amazed at the expectations certain people will thrust upon you. And when you don't meet these expectations, you've failed them. Does this make you a failure? I'd certainly hope not. It's just that there are certain things that I have to say no to because I've already said yes to others. While I realize this is how it has to be, the gears jam now and again and need to be reset. I've messed up more times than I'd care to think about, but I want to live well and see others thrive around me.

A man of many missions once said:

"Be very careful, then, how you live—not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is."

It's in the book of Ephesians it's rocking my face off right now. I feel like I know what my calling is...it's just the distractions along the way that keep throwing me off the trail.

I've mentioned recently that my church (as well as many others in Cincinnati) is taking part in something called the Consumed Journey. We're taking a serious look at our over-consumption and the dissatisfaction of our hearts. It's pretty rough.

Last night we went though an audio/visual prayer experiment. It was pretty decent overall...high-quality experience for sure. The thing that stood out to me most was a room I stood in where the audible voice (we wore headphones) asked if I was living my life in a series of transactions. This hit me hard.

I've been totally stressed out for the past couple of weeks because I have 20 different things going on that need money thrown at them. My wife and I try to live as generously as we can, but I have to admit that my hands start closing around what I have in times like this.

My conversations start to feel awkward and strange because I'm not one to hide what's going on. I hid things for way too long in my life and it never helped anything. So now when someone asks me how I'm doing I find it difficult to paste on a fake smile and tell them everything is great. Everything is good...really good in fact, but I am dealing with some stuff.

So here's the rub - I'm totally fine to tell people the truth, but then I start worrying that it's some kind of a Poor me, can you please help? conversation. I don't want people to think that I'm looking for something from them...but you know what? Sometimes I am. Sometimes I'm secretly hoping that they'll give me money, or that they'll help me out in some way. Sometimes I do nice things for people for the express purpose that they'll return the favor. I suck.

Time and time again I've seen God deliver in ways that I couldn't imagine. I always tell people to trust God and that He'll come through for them...why can't I practice what I preach?

I feel much better after the prayer experience last night. It calmed me down and got me refocused on what's important. Moving from a place of scarcity to open-handedness and trust is tough. It's worth it though.

I am 25 years old. I am also a pastor. These two things conflict sometimes. Now while I'd love to tell you that I feel with certainty I've been given a Divine Vocation or that there's some "calling" on my life, I...um...I can't. Sorry. I was thrust into ministry. Having come from some pretty rough places growing up, I fell pretty hard for Jesus shortly into my adult life.

I was addicted. I was addicted to the life that the bible promised me. I was addicted to the power of the Holy Spirit. I was addicted to the love I was receiving from people who didn't seem to care where I had been. I was addicted to Jesus. So I began to serve. And I served and I served and I served. I was good at serving. God was using me and I was letting Him. So I served some more. I couldn't quite figure out what I was good at so I tried everything. It got to the point where my regular job was getting in the way of my serving with the church. The church recognized this and so they offered me a full-time position. My title? Associate Pastor.

I was 23 years old and I was going to be caring for hundreds of people. I had no idea what I was getting into. Two years later I still have no idea how I am in the position I've been given. It's somewhat surreal, but isn't God?

There are a lot more challenging areas in the realm of leadership, things I was not ready for. What do you do when people continually assume that you're the Student Ministries guy? The answer, "Nope, I can't stand teenagers." can only work for so long. What do you do when someone declines your council for input from "the REAL Pastor"? Everything inside me wants to hide in the corner and cry, but I think I read that's unacceptable in some John Maxwell book or something. I feel like a poser. I feel like I'm the wrong guy for the job. I feel completely and totally inadequate. All of these feelings are only sometimes, but when they're there...they're there.

The most challenging thing for me would have to be the battle that rages in my mind. When your head pops out of the foxhole that's when you get shot at. Sometimes I feel like my hole isn't dug deep enough and there's a target on my dome. Satan lies to me and I agree with him more often than I'd like to admit. I'm happy to report that I've recently been stomping on Satan's punk face though. I'm able to quickly fall into the serving man rather than God category. Thankfully, God has been reminding me that He looks at my heart rather than my outward appearance. (1 Sam. 16)

So there...I admit it. I don't really know what I'm doing. God sure seems to though.

I'm getting towards the end of The Elements of Cooking by Michael Ruhlman. Wow. What an amazing food book. You know how every once in a while you read a book and it actually causes changes to happen in your life? This was one of those books for me.

I think my cooking level stepped up a couple notches while reading through this. The book is considered to be "an indispensable compendium for the professional or amateur cook..." For that reason I give it a 9 / 10. It loses a point from my highly skilled rating system because this book could be somewhat hard to digest for your average amateur. There is a bit too much "assumed knowledge" that Michael expects the readers to have...I had to look up several things due to mental midgetdom. A blog for The Elements of Cooking can be found---->Here.

I just started reading The Divine Conspiracy by Dallas Willard. I'm not very far into it yet...maybe 50 pages. It started off a little slow, but now it's going really deep really fast. It's not getting good...it is good. Carrie dropped it off for me when her and Ryan were home for the Holidays. I'll have to let you know what the final verdict is.

What are you currently reading?

Below you will find an image of Pearl Street Market. Pearl Street was founded in 1816 making it the oldest public market in all of Cincinnati. It sat between Broadway and Sycamore Streets and had many famous visitors...you know, presidents and what not. When people visited Cincinnati, they had to check out Pearl Street Market. The market was torn down in 1968 to make room for Riverfront Stadium. I wish I would have been around to scope out that place...I bet it was pretty cool.


This is the Price Hill Incline:


You can read more about the history of Price Hill, or Bold Face Hill as it was formerly known------> Here. There are all kinds of cool things that I'm learning about my city and I would recommend you do the same. It seems the more we know about the past the better we can understand the present...that sounds familiar.

I always enjoyed History class going through school, but there was a sort of break down when it came to relating it to my life. Now that I pay the bills, buy the stuff, drive the streets, and explore the territory it gives me great satisfaction to know things about where I'm from.

Just thought I'd share something interesting with you. Adios.

About 9 or 10 of us are heading to Indianapolis tonight to see Rob Bell teach at the Theater at the Murat. He is dedicating the month of November to a traveling teaching called The Gods Aren't Angry.

All the proceeds from the tour are going towards the Turame Microfinance Project.

Rob is doing some extremely innovative things and he is a real life example of someone who uses their influence as currency. If you're able generate a following, you might as well use it for good. I'm absolutely astounded at the number of Christian leaders who openly attack Rob Bell and his church for various reasons. Oh well. Keep doing what you're doing Rob...we love you!

If you haven't seen a Nooma video you simply must. They are spiritual short films that are an excellent escape from the cheesy Christian excuses of relevant media today.

Last week someone asked me who I had in my life that was investing in me. They further asked who was challenging me to be a better human. Further than that this person asked me who I could count on for a discerning answer in the face of a rift in my life.

What would cause someone to assume that everyone would be on the same page?

"Oh, of course I would leave the ninety-nine (you know, the ones who are loyal to me) behind to find the one that's missing."

p.s. - 8 pounds to go.

I’m almost home. It’ll only be a few more hours and I can finally see my babies. I can’t wait to hug and kiss them until it’s annoying. I can’t wait to spend as much time as possible with them until they’re totally sick of me.

This last week has been fairly incredible. I was able to see so many things for the first time and I was also reminded of so many things that I needed to be reminded of. I’m going to miss the Doan’s and all the new people that I met. It’s truly something amazing when you let down your guard and you invite people into your life. If you do it right and you are able to make a connection, they just might invite you into theirs.

Cheers Vancouver. It was fun while it lasted. I’m pretty sure you’re not for me but, I know you’re totally right for so many who call you home.

I’m so glad that I took this week to do something different. I don’t want to be that guy from Cincinnati who has never traveled outside of the tri-state. It’s so funny to think about so many people I know who have never really gone anywhere, never really done anything. I don’t want to be locked away in a little box.

While I am a homebody, I think I have found that I can adapt really quickly to whatever is thrown at me. I can make a home out of a strange place pretty quickly. There are a lot of strange places out there...so I guess I never have to worry about feeling too far from home.

Please do not let me forget the things that I’ve learned and seen. Use me.

I've been sitting with a random friend multiple times when a girl walks by and had my random friend ask the question, "How do you rate that?"

As this random friend comes up with some type of a numerical value for various parts of her anatomy I am struck by the thought that we as humans have something very wrong with us.

"How do you rate that?"

"I want a piece of that."

"Take a look at that."

"Would you hit that?"

I haven't dealt with random friends asking me questions like this as often in the past couple of years but, that's just because of the job title I have. When someone knows your a pastor they begin lying to you...not always, not all people, but many do.

Someone who pays attention to whats going on around them for ten minutes will recognize what I'm talking about...especially guys but, ladies aren't innocent either.

The problem with this is - "that" is actually a she. She has feelings, and she is a human being. She's been through things and she's going through stuff right now. She has value...more than just numerical value given to her by some moron. She is more than anatomical. She is more than a "that". She matters to someone. She matters to God and in turn she should matter to us.

"That" is a she.

...So Allison quit her job a couple weeks ago. She didn't like this job at all and she worked too much. She applied for a part-time job with Great Oaks school district working with special needs students and she got the job...sweet. This is something new and exciting and we're all going to get to spend a lot more time together now.

The other side of this new venture is that we'll be making even less money...I know, I know...I've been whining about the money thing lately but hey, we've got to whine about something now and then right? (Philippians 2:14 says, "Do everything without complaining") <---oh crap!!

Ok then...no complaining allowed. Let's get creative then. Let's make this fun.

Allison and I are on day three of a 30-day spending challenge. We've decided to compete with each other and with ourselves to see who can spend the least over a 30-day period. Not only are we seeing who can spend the least...the most we can spend is $20 for the entire month!

Now don't be crazy, this doesn't include the things we need to survive: Food, Gas, Paying the Bills, etc.., but it does include all those extra items that we just don't need.

This will definitely be a major challenge for me! I like being able to grab a snack at the store or pick up something on sale at Sam's Club (goodbye my love) when I feel like it. It's also nice to snag a Monster (I'm addicted to energy drinks) when I need a little pick me up. <----Translation: I want my heart to feel like there are baby Tasmanian Devils in it. The point is, I enjoy buying stupid wasteful crap. This will be difficult for me.

Be careful hanging out with me for the next month as I will probably ask you to buy me something.

I've been reading a book called Holy Discontent by a Pastor named Bill Hybels. It's pretty decent. It definitely has me trying to figure out what my "holy discontent" is personally.

What is it that brings me a firestorm of frustration? I'm not sure.

I've got lots of things that frustrate me. There are so many topics out there that get me fired up, but I'm unsure of the area with which I should focus. I'm kind of the guy who tries to help make something better in whatever area needs help. I step in, I try my hand at improving it, and then I move on. Sometimes I make things better and sometimes I find out that I suck at certain things.

One thing I suck at is figuring out my holy discontent.